Manila!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Well, it has happened. We have been assigned to Manila. I'm not sure whether or not to be happy. I still don't believe it. We're going to Tashkent! We're going to Tashkent. We're going to Tashkent? We're going to...? We're going to Manila? When did that happen?

I, standing straight and tall!

There is still no word. And there probably will not be any word until after the weekend. I'm tired of waiting, not knowing, not doing. I know I should look up Manilla and start to get an idea of what it might be like to live there, but I really can't. I don't want to get excited about yet another post, only to find out that it won't be happening either. I've also sort of stopped writing emails because I keep saying the same thing over and over again, and although the people I'm writing to don't know it, I feel like I've started to repeat myself. They, of course, are hearing it for the first time, but I am repeating it again and again. It's hard to still sound upbeat about a situation after the 4th time you've written about it. I'm trying to make the most of my holding pattern, but it's just so hard.

Should I stay or should I go?

So we are trying to decide the least disturbing of three, well two options. AND it's not even clear that we will be able to choose all of them. We have been offered Dushanbe, which is a small little place even further from the middle of nowhere than Tashkent, Manilla, which could be fine, but probably similar in many ways to Beijing, and then to stay in DC which would be great, except we really aren't ready to do a year in DC. My resume's in shambles, our wardrobe is scattered across the globe, and we're carrying too much weight. Realisticly we will probably end up in Manilla simply because it is the least evil of all the choices. And we can definitely go there. The other places are all sketchy. And as with all state department stuff who knows what rules you can follow and which ones you can't.
Oh, funny side note. It turns out that HR will be upgrading it's systems during the month of July so no new transfer orders will be processed during that time. When I heard this, I thought it was just too funny. After all, June, July and August are only the BIGGEST transfer months of the entire state department. So let's shut down our systems for an upgrade during that time. Not in February or October when people are rarely moving, but in July when hundreds of people all over the world are moving hither and yon. It makes me wonder. If the US is some of the best, what do other people have to put up with?

...And still floating

Almost two weeks of waiting now, and still no word. We are now free agents and do not have to go to Uzbekistan, but the alternatives are worse. All of the choices we were given were the ones we looked at and decided against before we chose Uzbekistan. It's a little frustrating, but I have come to terms with my current fate. Either way it goes, I'm ready to leave, the only thing I will need to take care of is to pack my bags, and get Honey's health certificates. It's nice to be this portable. I'm currently reading a Dean Koontz book, it's not too bad, but it feels a little like those Steven King books from the middle of his career where it's a big book, but nothing really happens. It's a good thing that I also read for the lyricism of the language, so a poorly plotted book will still be a worth while read if I can enjoy the imagery... Maybe I should have been an English major. But then, I hate these books as well, because the characters are good, the mental pictures are there, but where's the story, I end up at the end of the book thinking, but why? I think that's what I'm most afraid of in terms of writing my own books, I'm afraid that I'll get to the end of the long book writing process and my reader will think, but why? Why indeed.

Still waiting

Sometimes the waiting is unbearable. I keep looking toward the future, but then I stop, realizing that it is a large blank void, completely unwritten. It's hard to plan, when you don't even know what city you are going to be in. It's kinda like graduating from school, except that instead of knowing what city you want to go to and not having a job, you've (well, my husband) got a job, but no city.... But even then I guess we don't know what kind of job it's going to be either. I guess what it boils down to is we don't know.

Friends and babies

A couple of days ago, I called a friend of mine from high school who has a pretty new baby. And I've gotta say it's an odd experience to think back on our previous adventures and connect them to this woman who was talking to me about rashes, mortgage vs. rent, and maternity leave. I hear her voice and I think about our conversations about first love, first times, parties, or just random craziness and then in the background I hear a fussy baby. It's weird I tell you. And I never know with mothers. Sometimes I'm reluctant to call because the baby could be sleeping, or they could be busy doing something with the baby, but after talking to her I realize that I should just call. I also forget that moms are intellectual people as well and sometimes they need a break from the cooing, pooping, and cleaning. It's just hard for me since I'm not a conversationalist (I actually really suck at it) and I feel bad talking about what's going on with me because it's so mind numbingly boring to me. I feel like the person on the other end of the phone must be ready to poke their eyes out with pencils from boredom.

Floating

Dang! Last night's post didn't make it on the appropriate day! Oh well. Anyway, we are still waiting for some word, any word, on what might happen to us. At this point I don't really care. We've packed, we've shopped, we've prepared and planned, really all we have to do at this point is pack our suitcases, get a health certificate for our pooch and be pointed in the direction of our new country. It seems like such a waste though, a year of getting ready to go to this place, and then, oh yeah, you were supposed to go to Tashkent, yeah, see what had happened was.... and now we are definitely, probably, not going, maybe. Gotta love the govt.

Nostalgia

I've been feeling awfully nostalgic lately. I don't know what it is, maybe it's the realization that I'm 30, or maybe it's just I've been at home for a long time, and I'm seeing people I don't normally see so I'm remembered of times 10-20 years ago when I was just a wee lass. It's crazy to think that all those periods of my life are in the past now. Not that I'm complaining. I would not go back to being a teenager ever again. I might live in my 20's for awhile, but even then, you'd have to pick and chose carefully. I can't imagine life staying stagnant though. I claim not to like change, but in reality I really do like it. Why else would I have encouraged my future hubby to take the foreign service exam? Why else would I move to New York and long to return there? I don't want to just stay at home and live in my routine, I want to break free, see and do. I just can't figure out what I'm meant to do....

Family

While we are waiting.... This past weekend was the 31st annual Vernon family reunion. It is great to see everyone and watch and listen as the family shares their experiences, talents, and love with each other. Whenever I go to these events I always feel bad that I don't know more of the family. But when I was growing up we always lived to far to go, and now that I'm grown, I'm out of the country too often to attend. But one thing that my parents always stressed was the importance of family. I will definately try, if I have kids of my own, to bring them out to the family reunions so they can see where they came from, because it's hard to know where you're going if you don't know where you've been.

waiting

We have finally reached the day before our departure to Uzbekistan, and well, we are still waiting. Our visas (entry permits) still have not come through. SO after almost a year of preparation it looks like we are not going tomorrow after all. It's a little anticlimatic after all we've been planning to go planning to go, and it was always a little ways away, just a little more time, a little more planning. Now we're done planning, we've got all our stuff, but we still aren't going. And it's entirely possible that we will not be going at all. We have even started thinking about alternatives to our friendly post of Uzbekistan. Jamaica anyone?

Power outage

Last night there was a big storm here at my parent's house. My dad and I were playing Halo when the power went out. Surprisingly, the actual storm only lasted maybe a half an hour, maybe an hour. But it was quite a display for that time, there were winds, and buckets of rain, and lots of thunder and lightning. After being in California, then in China for so long I had almost forgotten what a summer thunderstorm really looks like. The lights were out for three or four hours. My parents and I played scrabble--good old fashioned fun, with our vintage 1970's board, my dad won, of course. Then I took Honey for a walk. It was a little creepy walking through the powerless neighborhood right before dark. Some neighbors were out in their front yard talking to each other. Some people had windows open. I ran into a couple of dogs who were very interested in Honey, but she had no chance to socialize because their owners called them away. As I walked through the neighborhood, there was something amiss, but I couldn't put my finger on it, then I realized, there were no lights. Of course I knew that there wouldn't be lights, but I didn't really know it until I saw it. There was also very little sound. Despite what everyone says about the suburbs, you know quiet, sleepy, etc. There is actually a hum to a suburban neighborhood. Little background noises that seep out of houses to fill the nights with noise. TV, radio, lights, kitchen appliances, etc. All that makes noise. To have it cut out, well, it was quiet. Which got me thinking. What all are we missing, with our TV's, iPods, Play Stations, etc that people a century ago took for granted. I'm sure it wasn't silent, nature is not silent, stupid birds and crickets add plenty of background noise. But what about other human interaction. Last night was the first time I'd played scrabble in years. When I was a kid my mom used to have TV blackout days. At the time I hated them, no TV for a week! She was killing us. But now perhaps I understand the wisdom in her method. We could all probably use a few Power out days!

more than 30

  

Count down to thirty (10days left)

Wow! Today is April 5, only 10 days away from my 30th Birthday. I am excited about it. 30 is a big milestone. It's weird though, I finally understand what everyone talks about when they say they don't feel old. I don't. I don't feel 30. But then, what does 30 feel like? I'm kinda sad that I never set any goals that I should reach before I hit 30. But I guess that's good because now I don't have to rush about and try to cross off some stupid goal that I set when I was 20 that doesn't really apply to my life now. At 20 I never would have set the goal to learn Chinese, and live and work in China for two years. Nor would I have thought to want to live in Uzbekistan, learn Russian, possibly Uzbek, and make a plan to write a novel. I have done so much, a lot of it off the general outline of what I had wanted to do (ok, maybe I would have wanted to learn Chinese and Russian, they were on my list of lifetime languages to learn) but still so interesting, and fulfilling, that I'm not really missing out.... Ok, I am missing my own career, but I plan to fix that very soon.... I have seen so much, and done so much that I really can't complain... Ok, I can, but I really shouldn't. It's weird though, last night when I thought about it, I think I have been floating by to much in life. I have allowed a lot of my life to happen to me instead of making life happen for me. I still feel like I'm waiting for my chance, when I am letting my chance slip by. If I don't reach out for life, it will just slip through my fingers while I'm not looking. Does anyone ever really plan to one day wake up old?

Fast paced

Well we have been back in the US now for 4+ weeks. Time is just flying by. I never realized how much work having an indoor puppy is. Honey is a great dog, but she is still a puppy and thus requires lots of work. Add to that the crazy pace that we are keeping looking for an apartment, getting together a consumables shipment and other things that need to be added to our household effects, then try to get all the paperwork together to get out of here, and visit all the family and friends we want to see, and there's not a moment of down time. Tonight is the first night I've had to just sit in awhile. I think I'll go take a bath.

Well, two years has been very swift. The movers came, and packed up all our stuff, and we have packed our bags. Tonight is our very last night in our adopted hometown of Beijing. I am still in denial about the fact that tomorrow we will be leaving our house, and not ever coming back. It hardly feels real. It seems like we were just starting to put our roots down, and figure out this mess and now it's done. But I must say that I have enjoyed our two years here and we have lots of great memories and pictures to share for years to come.
I know China has been in the news a lot as the next new power, the great threat, or the next big market, and I must say after living here I would have to agree. Change is moving so fast that it's hard to keep up. Just looking outside our door at the small piece of Beijing that surrounds us you can see the change that has happened in the two years we've been here. When we arrived in China, there was a corner store in a little squat building surrounded by some other decrepit little shops and standard crappy housing on top. We went away on vacation one weekend and when we came back the store, the shops, the building even, were all gone, except a big pile of rubble. Now there is a nice new modern building that looks like it's on the verge of opening up any day now. Everything changes so amazingly fast here that you really can say that Beijing is different from day to day.
I remember being impressed upon arriving in Beijing by the press of humanity, as well as the seemingly unfettered chaos that abounds in the streets. Two years is just enough time so that the crowds start to feel less crowded, and you can see the patterns in the chaos. At the beginning, the traffic especially, seemed deadly every time I went anywhere, buses would pass within inches, cars would whiz by and I would think to myself, "I almost died!" Now I don't even blink. If a car, bus, bike, or person, passes me by with more than 2 inces to spare I don't even notice it. I am still resistant to the idea of the chaotic mass, instead of a line to check out at a grocery store, or buy subway tickets, but I can if the situation calls for it, elbow my way to the front of a crowded subway, or turn my body into an impassable object to prevent others from forming a chaotic mass in front of me.
Living the foreign service life, I did not experience "the real China," but for that I am glad. I would probably hate China, if I had to spend a workday traveling to four different government offices to pay my phone bill, or live in an unheated hutong (Chinese courtyard house) with neighbors who think that crowded and loud are good times. (Chinese people like to go on vacation when everyone else goes, and like to go to the destinations that everyone else goes to. During any given Chinese holiday you can go through a tourist site without walking if you merely stick out your elbows and pick up your feet) But I now have a feel for China that I never had before. I can't say that I "know" China or the Chinese, but I can relate a little better than before, and for the next two weeks, while my China knowledge is still current, I will be able to say I understand a little of what is going on.

Sonnets

Whither China!

This maddening land so ample and vast,
Stretches from beach to mountains in snow,
Thousands of years did each dynasty last,
Until Mao declared, these excesses must go.

Enter the Chinese Century in two thousand and one,
Where China stands up and gives a great shout,
The world, unprepared wants the country undone,
And unsuccessful bullying leaves great powers to pout.

Her people have entered this great Chinese age,
From villages and farms to computers and phones,
The masses are hurled from the past by a mage,
If you slow down, the government will cover your bones.

The future for this land is murkey at best,
I hope we can ride this wave through it's crest.

Growing up

I have finally decided to take on some responsibilities in life. As we approach my 30th birthday, I can no longer deny the fact, that yes, I am old. Old enough to have kids, old enough to own my own home, old enough to have a real job with real responsibilities. So, as a precursor to old age we have decided to get a dog. My dad got him from one of his buddies at his club. I'm a little nervous about the whole idea of having a dog. I know it's going to be work, and this time there is no mom and dad to take on the task of making sure the dog gets fed, bathed and walked. It's just me, and my hubby. But I'm also very excited. I have had dogs around since I was 10 and I enjoy their companionship and their challenge. I think Honey (what we are calling our new dog) will be a fun companion and add a touch of craziness to our already crazy lives.

So today begins my first official week of no work! YAY! {I think any time I say no work (YAY!) it needs to be followed by YAY!} I was off last week too, but it doesn't count since it was a holiday and I would have had it off anyway. I think I'm going to try kicking off my new writing schedule with a morning blog session to get my creative brain stretched out. It's very hard to sit down and write for two hours. I keep wanting to get up or search something on the web, or do anything else. But I'm determined.
ANYWAY
Today is a crazy freak snow storm. Ok, maybe not freak or storm, but it is crazy snowing and has been for the past two hours (keep in mind I'm from the south so crazy snow is any snow). I imagine that it's not snowing all that bad since there is maybe an inch of accumulation on the ground. But for Beijing, it's pretty crazy. It's normally so dry here that all moisture is sucked out of the air in a matter of minutes. (7% humidity, it's more humid on planes if you can imagine!) It's so dry here that any time you touch anything you get a tiny unpleasant shock. I touch a door-ZAP! touch a chair-ZAP! touch my husband-ZAP! touch the tv remote-ZAP! It's very annoying. So to have snow, well it's pretty crazy. I think I remember four instance of snow in my two years here.
Usually snow makes for some very pretty pictures. The softly falling snow, landing gently on a swiftly disappearing landscape. Snow on roofs and trees, snow blanketing a city in an all encompassing white.... well not in Beijing. The snow as its falling is an odd beige color. Looking outside the air is hazy brown with the snow and the regular pollution. And unfortunately as it hits the ground the snow is being churned into an unappetizing mud brown color. I'm very glad I don't have to go to work today. I did have plans to go look for some last minute purchases, but today appears to be a day to spend in front of the computer or in my chair reading a good book.

Chinese New Year

Happy New Year! Welcome to the Year of the Dog! As I sit here staring out my window I am reminded of the video feeds that they had of the gulf war. Or in fact any armed conflict. The view from my window is blocked by two very tall buildings, but in their windows, and through the cracks the sky is intermittently lit up by hundreds of fireworks from every direction. In the windows of the buildings you can even see the reflections of fireworks from places behind us. And it sounds just like small arms fire, and possibly heavy weapons too. It's almost non stop. Last night, the eve of the new year, was even crazier. I went to a friend's house to ring in the new year with a rousing hand of poker and we could see fireworks from every window in her house. One group of revelers outside must have had thousands of different fireworks! At midnight they left off a private show that must have continued on for a good 45 minutes of firework after firework. My friends are up on the 10th floor so we were almost level with the fireworks. I felt very rich, like I had rented a helicopter or plane to take me around to view all the festivities. I thought last year was crazy, but this year they lifted the ban on private fireworks so the city really went crazy!