Playing with the dog

a little morning fun with our dear Honey!

Back to normal

I think things are slowly starting to move back towards normal here. I'm glad we are going away at the beginning of next week though. There's nothing like a little scare to make you realize just how complacent you've gotten. Not that I'm usually lax about my personal security, but I have begun to think about it as routine, or part of my own personal paranoia. But even after this, I am not afraid to leave my apartment. At some point you have to own your fear and figure out ways to get past it. Your time is not your own to begin with. You could decide not to go to NY because of terrorism and then die on your own street in a car accident. You could decide not to leave your house, and slip and fall in the shower. You just never know.
Because of this, I have been trying to make the most of every day. Not do the most, or see the most, but at least try to enjoy the day. I make sure to thank God for everyday that I spend at home with my daughter as a stay at home mom. I know that I didn't want to be a stay at home mom, but I am really enjoying it, and I feel like I am doing the right thing by my daughter. I think part of the reason I am enjoying it so much is because I do see it as a gift. We may not do much, maybe we just sit on the couch and babble at each other, but it's still a gift. She could be in a nursery and I could be behind a desk billing hours. I am trying to work on seeing my hubby as a gift too, and trying not to take him for granted, but it's tougher going. I think once you forget to be thankful for something it's harder to get back into the habit. I'll let you know how it goes.

The news

So news of what's actually going on has finally hit the mainstream media. It's a little frustrating that my knowledge of what's going on is limited to what Yahoo! has or what CNN reports on. Apparently some Wahhabi (according to Yahoo: Wahhabism originated in Saudi Arabia in the 18th century. It is rooted in the idea of restoring Islam's purity by purging it of foreign and corrupting influences.) gathered some weapons and grenades in an effort to launch an attack against the US Embassy.
It's a little bit unsettling. Most of the people here are very friendly, and not very conservative at all. There are a few people here that wear their hair covered, or have grown beards, but generally people dress more revealing than I do. I think it's sad that a handful of people have the ability to completely change your view of a place. You hear it all the time on TV, but I guess I never really thought about it before. Just like Christianity, Islam is a religion of brotherhood and love, and just like with Christianity, a few people can take the words of God and twist them to serve their own purpose. I don't understand why people work very hard to turn something beautiful and comforting into a source of nightmares. Religion is supposed to be helpful to people not hurtful to others. I don't know about any of the other religions, but I know that Jesus preached peace and non-violence. But things that are often done in His name are anything but.
My husband comes from the former Soviet Union, and coming from a culture of agnosticism to the US he is naturally skeptical of religion. And to be honest, the US, well anywhere for that matter, does not paint a flattering view of religious people. But its just like with any group in the US. Only those who are doing something truly wonderful (like pulling a child out of a burning building, rescuing puppies from floods, or delivering babies in subways, etc.), or something hideously awful, are reported in the media. So for the most part on the news you only see and hear stories about suicide bombers, rapists and murders, or abortion clinic bombers.
I guess what it boils down to is that you should always try your best to be a good member of the group you represent. Because, like they told you in school, one or two people can ruin it for everyone.

Uh oh!

After three years overseas we have our first scare. The embassy is shut down today because of a threat. It's so weird to be in a situation where you both directly and indirectly affected by something and not be able to talk about it, or even really know what is going on. I have all these questions rattling around in my brain, but I know better than to ask them, and I know that even if I did ask I wouldn't get a response. So for about an hour yesterday I wandered around the house trying to ask cryptic questions but eventually gave up in frustration of my husbands equally cryptic answers. But I guess now that I have a baby it's a little better for me. Before it was my opinion that if it was dangerous, if I couldn't go, he shouldn't go. But now I think someone's gotta be around for babes. So if he has to go be in danger, it's better if I stay with babes. I still don't like it though.

DEBT FREE!!!!!!!!

My hubby just sent in the last check for his student loans!!!!! He is now debt free! Way to go!!!!

Baku

It's fall in Baku and it really is a pleasant time of year. The weather is cooler now, and it's not quite as windy as it will be in the winter. I went this morning and walked along the boardwalk with Babes. It was gorgeous, the morning sun was glinting off the Caspian, the birds chirping and circling overhead, and there weren't that many people so I wasn't constantly circling around someone. It's too bad Honey's legs have problems because I think she would really enjoy the morning walks too. There are some other people out with their dogs, and Honey could be with us while we walked, I might even take her off leash! I know I have been saying bad things about Baku, but I think I've turned a corner, and I am now starting to enjoy it. It helps that all of the other moms in my baby group are very nice, and that the weather has cooled down a lot. But I'm out now, twice a month, with friends, and I get out of the house with Babes once or twice a week, at least (if I wanted I could be out every day), I've got language classes, and a language partner, and then there's Babes! I have a very full life here in Baku. I have to say that it also helps that I am not pregnant. I only hope that other posts that we go to in the future will be as rewarding.

To market to market

I can't believe we're already into fall! The weather here has cooled down, the kids have gone back to school, and my baby has started eating solid foods! Not that the last thing has anything to do with the weather, but it seems to coincide nicely with the start of a new season. In honor of Babes' first new vegetable we went to the big farmer's market to see if we couldn't find something recommended for little bellies to start off with.
ALL the "make your own baby food" websites suggest that you go with sweet potatoes, avocado, carrots, or squash as a first food. I have only been to the market here once before during the super hot summer, and it was pretty fun. There are the colorful fruits and veggies piled up on the stands and the colorful people from the regions behind the stands. Interestingly enough, gold teeth are very popular in people from the regions. I know that it was a common sight once in the US, but now it always disturbs me when I see it.
Today I was not quite so excited to be at the market. For some reason there were bees all over the place so every time I would relax a little a bee would fly by and I would try very hard not to freak out (I'm very afraid of bees and bugs in general), I don't want young babe to be afraid of bees like her mama, but it was very hard work. So we quickly made our purchases, I ended up buying squash for the babe, I knew the other vegetables were a lost cause before I began, but I thought that I would look anyway. But, there was a big discussion about sweet potatoes at our last baby group and people thought they saw them, but no they did not. I've seen avocados but they are always over ripe and very expensive ($5-6 a piece! YIKES!), and my hubby is allergic to carrots. So we were left with squash.
Babes was a big hit, as she almost always is, at the market. Azeris love babies. They always coo and fuss over her, and generally I don't mind, but at the market, you've got people from the regions, and well.... the hygiene is not what I would want for my baby who puts everything in her mouth. I am usually pretty laid back, but I don't want the man in the bloodstained apron, and blood encrusted fingernails touching my Babes' hand. Last time we went someone either blessed Babes, or cursed her, I'm not sure, but he looked happy, so I'm going to go with a blessing. This time we escaped with just a few looks and funny baby attracting noises.

more nibbles

more video from Zora's first meal!

Solids!

Well, we took the plunge and started Zora on solid foods yesterday. She took to them surprisingly well. She was so thrilled I think she had been waiting for the opportunity to eat something other than milk.

A walk in the past

For my hubby's Jubilee birthday we took a trip back to his old stomping ground to see what the past had left. So we packed our bags, baby and camera and took off to the Ukraine to see what there was to be seen. As this was our first trip with a baby we decided not to be too ambitious and we only went to Kiev and Odessa. Unfortunately from Baku there are only local airlines going to other post-soviet spaces so we had to fly Azall to Kiev. Despite my misgivings, Azall wasn't too bad. The flight was reasonably on time, reasonably clean, the food was tolerable, and the staff was not openly hostile (which is more than I can say for a lot of US flights).
Kiev was much better than I expected it to be. I think I was expecting a larger Baku, meaning more depressing, square, soviet style buildings. I guess I forgot that Kiev had hundreds of years of history before the USSR and despite the general oppressiveness of the communists, they did not destroy everything that was there before. So what that means is that Kiev had a lot of really pretty European style buildings along it's main street, and beautiful wide tree lined roads. Commerce is definitely alive and well in Kiev as there are many shops and restaurants to choose from. One popular eating establishment, Mr. Snack a place that serves sandwiches and beer, was literally on every corner (if it had been Manhattan it would have rivaled the prevalence of Starbucks).
Weirdly enough, in Kiev as in Baku, people do not just get married on Saturdays. Apparently it's common to have a wedding any day of the week. So while we were there, and visiting some of the famous churches of Kiev, we were surrounded by brides and grooms taking their, apparently, standard wedding shots. We stopped to have water and give Zora a rest before going into St. Sophia and I think I counted 15 brides coming through to have their pictures taken in front of the old church.
After Kiev we flew to Odessa on a local Ukrainian airline. Now this flight was not so pleasant. In order to board the flight, you had to take a shuttle out to the tarmac. We arrived at the plane, but the cleaning crew was apparently not finished, so the bus is unloaded, and all of the passengers, flight attendants, and pilots were standing out on the tarmac in front of the stairs to the plane in the cold rain and wind. It was actually pretty amusing because the other passengers were getting really mad at the crew because another woman and I were standing around with our babies in the cold. I felt very special.
Anyway, Odessa is a very beautiful little town. Odessa and Baku are very similar to each other, they are about the same size, they are both on the sea, and they were both part of the Soviet Union. But the way they have used their post soviet space is very different. It looked to me like Odessa really saw that they had a pretty town and worked hard to make it prettier. All around town you could see the money people were putting into renovating. Parks were replanted, fountains refurbished, buildings repainted, etc. The walking street, was actually a walking street with restaurants lining the sidewalks and brightly lit shops. I think the street was shorter than the walking street in Baku, but it was much more pleasant to walk down. The seashore also looked very nice but it was unseasonably cold for the five days we were there and we could not spend my promised days at the beach.
All in all, it was a very nice trip and I'm glad to have gotten the chance to visit the old stomping ground of my hubby.

Rocky

Honey has a house guest this week. Or maybe I should say we are forcing Honey to entertain a house guest this week. A friend of ours is out of town and we agreed to dog sit. I have never appreciated Honey more than I have this week. It's not that Rocky is a bad dog. I think Rocky is a very good dog, but he is not nearly as eager to please as Honey is. Honey picks up new concepts in a matter of days. Rocky... well he just doesn't care. Not only that, but I had forgotten how annoying it is to have a male dog. When I walk with Honey we just walk, we don't need to stop every two seconds so she can mark some tree, bush, or weed. Just walking. It's so nice. I don't think I ever want another male dog.
It's funny to watch the two of them interact though. I can't figure out Honey's deal. I honestly don't know that much about dog to dog body language, but as far as I can tell Honey is not submitting to Rocky, yet it looks like she's getting her butt kicked. Rocky occasionally will get annoyed at Honey's constant attention and will snap at her, Honey doesn't back down, or back away, but she also doesn't fight back. I wonder if she's concerned she's going to get into trouble, or if she just doesn't care what Rocky is doing. Either way, they both recognize me as Alpha dog. Anytime they've been up to no good and I come into the room they both stop whatever they were doing and look at me with the "I'm a good dog, see!" expression on their faces. I wonder if I'm going to have the same Alpha dog tendencies toward Zora. Or if she's just going to run all over me.

Antisocial

I don't know why I'm so antisocial. Vlad can go out and talk to almost anybody at almost anytime. Me, I have to work up to it. Like right now. Our maid is here, and I want to go out and get breakfast, but then I'd have to talk to her and deal with whatever mood she's in, and I just can't face the thought. You would have thought I would have gotten used to her by now, she's been here for a year. But no. And if I talk to her, I feel better about her being here, but the thought of talking to her. Today it's just too much.

Summer's End

I think the summer in Azerbaijan is broken. Somehow written it doesn't carry the same meaning as when it's said out loud. But I think that the hottest part of the summer has passed. I don't know why I think that. There's just something different in the air. That makes me think that fall is on it's way. I think maybe the wind has shifted. So that instead of the hot furnace breeze, there is now a cool, refreshing breeze. Granted it's still hot, just not as hot.

roll over, roll over

 

Addicted!

I have decided that I am seriously addicted to sugar. At first it was ok, I figured that after my 8 or so months of enforced no sugar (due to pregnancy hormones making all sweets taste like I was licking a hand rail in the subway) I thought I would splurge and indulge my sugar cravings for awhile. I thought that I would slowly taper myself off the sugar, and no one would be harmed by a few months of sugar highs. Apparently, though, sugar is a habit forming substance. We are almost at the five month mark of my sugar indulgence and I see no signs of the cravings letting up. I'm still baking almost once a week, and drinking juice like a mad woman. This is, no doubt, not helping my goal to be back to pre-pregnancy weight or better by my brother's wedding, so I think I'm going to have to take drastic measures. Hopefully, I will not have to go the way of Vlad and start eating salads every day for dinner. That would be truly depressing indeed.

Roll Over!

Wee Babe rolled over today. It was a little anticlimactic. I think because she has been tipping over side to side since she was born, I was pretty sure it was pure laziness that was keeping her from rolling all the way over, and yes, I think it was. She rolled over today like she had been doing it for months. Her arm was a little stuck under her, but that didn't seem to matter. She just popped it out from under her, no prob! Of course, she might have been waiting until she was sure she had perfected the skill so that when she did roll over it looked all perfect. Crap! This means I can't just leave her on the bed anymore. *SIGH* so it begins.

The Horror!

I have gotten old! I just realized today for the first time in several months that I do not have a copy of the original (or new) Star Wars movies! This is unthinkable! How has it come to be that the only copies I have are on VHS and our VHS player has died??? How am I going to watch the Star Wars movies? I feel that I should go to Amazon right now and buy all 6 movies right now, but I am stubbornly waiting the special 6 disc editions to end all editions! Oh wait, that is how I came to be without the movies. I am waiting, perhaps foolishly, for the entire thing to come out in one grossly expensive set. What do you call a six part movie? sexology? No that somehow sounds dirty and wrong... Hold on while I look it up. Surprisingly it's hard to find out what a 6 part movie is. But I have persevered it is a hexology. Hmm I was close I just had one letter wrong, I should have remembered that a six sided figure was not a sexagon, but a hexagon. Silly me.
Anyway, I am still foolishly waiting. But I don't know if I can last until the 6 disc set comes out. Will I be able to afford the six disc set? Ah no matter, it will have to be bought. (Ooh I apologize to the grammar police, but it is late)

Remiss

Looking over my last several posts I just realized that I have not written anything about Baku in awhile.
Summer is finally here, and there are a lot more people out on the street than when I first arrived. I now see women on a regular basis, even during the middle of the day or in the evening. Although maybe it's just that I've taken to wandering in places where women are more like to be, I don't know. But I should not have worried about my American summer wear. I am far more modest than most women here, even in this conservative culture. Whenever we go down to the boardwalk I feel that I should have added more hooch to my wardrobe. Maybe bared a little more skin, or added high heels to the jeans... something. I think it's a little odd that despite the fact that women are not allowed to walk around by themselves, it's perfectly ok for them to walk around in outfits that would put hookers to shame, ok, I think I'm being a little overly dramatic. They are actually usually tastefully, if not scantily dressed. But it still doesn't make any sense to me. But apparently, if you are with someone else what you are wearing doesn't make a difference.
Speaking of clothing. We went to the beach on Wednesday, which was fun, and pleasant, although not as clean as I would have liked (cigarette butts everywhere!). And I realized that I should have worn my bikini. Apparently, women at the beach, even the expensive ones, are not starved and exercised into unnatural thinness here. 200lbs? Want to wear a bikini? Go right on ahead! 50? Middle aged spread? Go ahead and put on that thong! Needless to say I was feeling pretty good about my post-pregnancy body by the time we went home. I didn't even mind Vlad snapping a few photos. After all, no-body's perfect right?

unexpected

I have grown to really like breastfeeding. I didn’t think I would; you’re constantly damp, it can be very inconvenient, and you constantly have something sucking at your chest. But, it feels right. I can’t think of any other way of explaining it. With all that’s wrong in the world, putting a baby on your breast just feels somehow right, like this is what I was meant to do. It’s a very subtle feeling though, I just started noticing it. Before I was too busy, I’d sit down to feed the baby, but my mind was elsewhere, I wanted to get up, to go here, to go there, breastfeeding was more like a stone dragging me down. Now I just sit. I know she’s going to eat, and I know how long it takes, and there’s nothing else I can do, so I sit, and I realized how nice it is. I know its hormones. Breastfeeding releases tons of hormones into your body to make you want to do it, and to feel good doing it. I understand that, I welcome it. I love my baby more knowing it. I have to say I was very ambivalent about this whole baby business, and I think that breastfeeding her has really helped move me from, yeah this is my baby to I love my baby. How can you not love someone who, by the simple act of feeding, helps you to relax and feel like you are doing something amazing. It also helps that she is now able to express some of her appreciation of my boobs. In the morning when she sees them she starts kicking her legs and waving her arms with this huge grin on her face like they are the best things in the world. Not even the boyfriends that I had as a teenager loved my boobs like she does. When she’s hungry she also will try to curl around my boobs, or grab them with both her hands and her feet and then tuck her head in so that her whole body is wrapped around me and my milk giving nipples. Then, while she eats, she will caress the boob that she’s eating from with her free hand, and I can almost hear her thinking, “my precious.”
Breastfeeding also comes with a great sense of accomplishment. Since she was born, my baby has almost doubled in size, and the only thing she eats is what I make for her. I can look at my growing, thriving baby and say, I did that, she is living and growing because I am making enough for her to grow on. I never thought I would say it, but I think I will be sad when she gets close to six months and we start feeding her solids. And then, when I wean her, how will I get my relaxing hormones? They should bottle the hormones and sell them, they are great! I can be pissed off, super mad, want to yell and scream at the world, but then I breastfeed and all is well. Sometimes at night when I can’t sleep I want to wake up the baby so that she can eat and relax me (I don’t, of course, I’m not as crazy as I look).

Some people should know better

So Zora had a rash earlier this week and we were supposed to host baby group so I decided to take her into the Embassy nurse to have the rash looked at. I wasn't actually worried about it, but it had spread a little, and there were other babies coming so I figured better to be safe than sorry. We went in, everything looked fine, nothing to worry about, etc. etc. But as we were leaving and she's looking at our chart, she says to me, "interestingly enough Measles starts off as a rash that starts around the hairline, then spreads down the back and stomach, but everything is fine, nothing to worry about." And I think she also mentioned that as a baby Zora does not yet have her measles immunization so I shouldn't leave her with anyone who has a rash.
Now, why on earth would you tell a first time mom this? I have decided not to worry about it because really her rash was already getting better by the time I took her in, and it's pretty much gone today, but if I was someone else, this could have thrown me into a panic. Or at least freaked me out a little. She really should know better.