Random slice

Today as I was walking home from Babes' school I passed a man who was wearing a bright purple track suit, blue and white tennis shoes and carrying what could have been a Louis Vuitton man bag, while smoking a cigarette. I REALLY wished I had my camera because I would have figured out a way to surreptitiously take a picture of him. There was something quintessentially
foreign about the way this man was dressed, because really, except for his shoes (and I have to say those were a little outdated too), he did not have on one single thing that an American Man would wear. Be it the track suit, the man bag, or more and more recently, cigarette.


In other news, we picked up some weird fruit at the store this weekend. It tastes a little bit like an apricot mixed with a cantaloupe with the texture reminiscent of a watermelon. I wonder what these things are?



And finally, yesterday in a fit of baking I made a pineapple upside down cake. I used to hate these when I was a kid, but now I love them! I think I'm finding my southern roots as I get older. First sweet iced tea, now pineapple upside down cakes.... Next thing you know I'll be frying up chicken and biscuits!

Leftover Oatmeal muffins

The crock pot oatmeal recipe makes TONS of oatmeal and nobody really likes to eat leftover oatmeal (even though with the sturdier oat groats you totally could), so after a little searching I found this recipe for leftover oatmeal muffins. Which makes a really great breakfast muffin. I even cut the butter and sugar in half and it was still Yummy. I think I'm going to tweak it a little and see if I can come up with my own recipe. Anyway, they turned out great and look like this:

Whole Oat Groats

So in an effort to post more often I'm going to start adding some regular slice of life moments that are slightly different because I'm overseas, or maybe regular things that I wouldn't normally do but that I'm doing because I'm overseas. Did that make any sense? No? Well, since no one really reads this, it's ok.

We were in the grocery store last week and I came across these:

They are whole oat groats. Basically it's oatmeal in the most natural state that I've seen it in. To be honest it looks a little like rice. Babes LOVES oatmeal so I've been looking for steel-cut oats here so that she can have porridge in a crock pot (which she loves) instead of so much of the instant stuff. In case you don't know the steel cut oats look like this:

After a lot of internet searching I found a basic recipe of 1 part oats to 4 parts water. Which is very close to the way the steel cut oats are made so I decided to do them the same way. I put a little bit of water in the inside of the bowl to my crock pot, then I took a glass mixing bowl and put it in the water, and I mixed together 1 cup of oats and 4 cups of water, put the lid on, turned my crock pot on low, then went to bed. When we woke up the oatmeal was done and viola!

Which I have to say looks gross when you do a close up shot, but was actually quite tasty! The oatmeal is firmer and not nearly as gooey as the instant stuff. I am definitely convinced that this is the way to go. Tomorrow.... Leftover Oatmeal muffins!

The Key!

I like to entertain, maybe actually LOVE to entertain. Before Babes was born I would spend HOURS painstakingly arranging a menu, then marinating, cutting, and piecing together food. At some point I was even cutting pats of butter in decorative shapes. With the arrival of a child, however, I no longer have the time to spend the whole day in the kitchen. Menus have gotten simpler, decorations less fancy, everything pared down to the essentials.
I had baby group at my house on Friday and then again today. While it is not a dinner party, by a long stretch, it still set my entertaining mind aflutter. BUT instead of a whole day's prep or even several house I had everything together and laid out in under two hours (including dressing myself and the child). And here's what I did...
1. I cleaned the day before: toys picked up, floors vacuumed, kitchen wiped, dishwasher empty. So this morning I only had to put breakfast dishes in the dishwasher.
2. I also made fudge last night (which was mainly because I wanted fudge, not because I felt that these people somehow deserved fudge)
3. To serve, I had a wedge of cheese, then around it crackers, and around that mini oranges, sliced apples, grapes, blue berries, cherry tomatoes.
4. Then I set out the cups, spoons, sugar, and honey for the tea,
And I was all done. I did mourn the fact that my three part serving dish that used to hold olives that I would marinate myself, or marinated mozzarella now held goldfish crackers, but it was still pretty to look at with a minimal amount of fuss.
I have stocked my freezer with all sorts of dinners, but I think my new goal will be to get some entertaining items in there as well. Maybe freeze some bread sticks, cookies, and cheese medallions so that when people show up I can have fresh baked goodies to offer (I loved being able to offer two kinds of homemade fudge!). Now if only I could master the art of small talk.

Kitchen Chemistry

DH is out of town this week and I've been experimenting with kid pleasing meals. And it does work. Add a little ground beef, pasta and cheese to just about anything and my toddler with eat it. Unfortunately to my more adult taste buds this week has been a little uneventful. A kid pleasing meal is good every once and a while but a week's worth... not so much. So most of these casseroles are going into the freezer for lunch time ease and I'm going to spend the next two days experimenting with making sour cream, yogurt and fudge. He he he I've already made Penuche which some people know as brown sugar fudge and it is DELICIOUS! I used to make it as a kid and I hesitate to make it these days unless there are going to be people that I can take it to so that they will eat it. Once you eat some you have to keep eating more so I try to get rid of it as soon as possible. I'm excited to make chocolate fudge though, I've never done it before. It looks like it's the same techniques as making Penuche so hopefully it will turn out well. I always feel a little like Harry Potter in a potions class making candy. You've got sugar, milk, vanilla and butter, add a little heating and cooling, then rapid stirring and VIOLA! You've got fudge. Apparently there are some pretty crazy chemical reactions going on, seriously they should do this in chemistry class too! How much sweeter would it be?

Spanking

Yeah I spank! It's weird that this has become almost a dirty little secret. That people who spank are seen taking the easy way, or are being mean to their kids, or are just ignorant. BUT once I admit to it almost all parents have smacked a butt or two in their day. They are often ashamed, or taken by surprise, or... I don't know. I always knew that I wanted to use spanking as an option for my kid. Before she was born, and as she approached the age where I started to think about discipline I did a lot of thinking, reading, and observing. So when it came down to it I had already decided when I was going to use spanking (in theory). Spanking is not the automatic punishment, nor is it the last resort (I don't know what the last resort is, thankfully I haven't had to go beyond a booty smack). I use a plethora of punishments, when necessary, but frankly Babes is a good kid, most of the time I just need to stay within our set boundaries and she's pretty obedient. It's annoying, but I follow up, almost every single time. So if I say, Babes pick up your toys, and she doesn't I don't just let it be, I walk over and engage. I'm not afraid to cause a scene either. If we have to discipline in public so be it (granted I haven't had to spank her in public, usually interrupting whatever it is that she's doing is usually enough to get her attention). She screams and shouts, and if we have to we'll leave the store only to go back when she's calm again. When I do have to spank it is usually because she is testing the waters and we have been through the other punishments and they have failed, OR I have caught her getting ready to play in the outlet. If she is spanked she usually knows why she got a swift smack to the bum.

I have to say I don't regret it. Yes, there are all those studies that say kids who are spanked hit more, are not as smart, are emotionally disturbed, become sexual sadists, etc etc. But I have determined after reading a bunch of stuff on the web and in books that "the experts" don't know jack. Today they say that kids should be breastfed, yesterday kids should be fed formula, tomorrow maybe they won't have milk at all they'll just start drinking juice from birth. One expert says your kids should sleep in your bed, another says they should sleep in their own crib not anywhere near you. The fact of the matter is that it is your kid, you have to do what works for you. Spanking may not work for your kid, just like time outs don't work for everyone. You have to figure out what your kid is like and what works for you and your family. Like I figured out what works for me and my family. There are no short cuts, parenting is a hard uphill slog through thick slippery mud where you've just lost your map and can't figure out if you've already been this way or not and you're really not sure where you are going you just know that you have to keep going.

Just so you know, as I was leaving the states I heard a report on CNN that said that spanking your kids (under the age of six) could possibly raise their IQ a few points. How's that for mixed messages.

The Past is the Past

Lately I've become obsessed (OBSESSED) with my past. In my spare time (and not spare time) I've been going around and around in my head about people I've known and I've recently become convinced that I was an evil witch. I was completely self absorbed, didn't really listen and didn't really pay attention. I hope that I wasn't snotty or mean, but I bet I was. Personally, I think this is facebook's fault. All of these random people from my past keep popping up and I'm curious what impression I left on them. Of course they won't tell me oh yeah, you were the biggest SNOT that I knew, but I wish they would (or maybe I don't). So I never do ask, or rather I rarely ask, what do you remember about me. But I am curious. What DO people remember about me? Do they think "Oh yeah, that black chick that sat in the back" or maybe I was the mean kid or the smelly kid, and I just don't know it. Do I want to know? Why can't I just leave the past in the past?

New Year

So I have looked back on this year's blogging and have come to a decision. I am no longer going to pay for my own domain name. Yes, it's only $10 a year, but there is no need. So starting next month I am going to move my blog to a free space and slowly dismantle my old website (that I never did anything to).
What else will I do this year? I have no idea. I have tried to come up with a list of New Year's resolutions, but my imagination escapes me. I guess I could continue to work on my old standards. Write more, lose weight (when did this become part of my standard list, I am disgusted with myself I HATE dieting), get in shape (which should help with the lose weight part), get organized (HA! Never happens!), be friendlier (is it possible to change your own nature?).
Maybe a better thing would be to complete some of the short term projects that I have started and haven't finished. Like Z's 1st year book/and pics, start her 2nd and 3rd year book and pics, and maybe a 2009 family book. Finish Z's quilt. Finish DH's fish blanket. I don't know what else, I'm sure there's something though.

Seriously serious

So apparently the Taiwanese are FAR more concerned with your health than they are in the states. In order to go ANYWHERE where there are more than two people you have to have your temperature checked. At first I was taken slightly aback, I showed up at the kindermusik class with DD and the teacher was like, as part of our hello routine, I will check your temperature. I thought to myself, huh that's odd.... but hey bunches of little kids, I can see how you might want to do that. THEN I went to language class and THEY took my temperature. And today we went to an indoor playground for Zora and they took our temperature again! So not only is there a crazy amount of hand sanitizer being used (it is EVERYWHERE) and face masks being worn (and highly encouraged) there are mandatory temperature checks for any regularly scheduled event. It's crazy! I wonder why they haven't started doing this in the US... or even why they don't encourage face masks. Talk to me about our health care system being the best in the world. HMPFH!

Some things in life are universal

Ok, well maybe not universal. But we have a cable problem so DH called the cable company yesterday and asked for someone to come out to take a look at our cable. The person on the phone said they would send someone over between 6 and 8 pm. (6&8pm??) I thought it was a little strange, so I was not surprised when they didn't show up.
However, I was shocked! SHOCKED! I tell you! When the cable guy showed up at 10pm! TEN! PM! I was already getting ready for bed, and had to hide out in our room while he tried to fix our TV. I couldn't believe it... still can't believe it! TEN! DH talked to the man and he said that they work until right around 10 every day. I wonder what time they start....
So it is good to know that even in foreign countries repair men never show up when they are supposed to, even if they do work really late.

Hair

I have been experimenting with my hair. I know, this is nothing exciting, women do it all the time, but I really have not. The biggest change is that my hair is now natural. No relaxer, nothing that won't wash out. I have been doing a lot of online research trying to find a product that will give my natural hair some curls without frizz and have come across a lot of angry black women. I didn't realize when I put my hair in braids three years ago that I was joining a new edgy "natural" movement. I was just pregnant and didn't want to mess with my hair. When my baby was a year and a half I figured I had 15 minutes or so to devote to my hair so I could take the braids out. At that point I was completely natural, and I loved the hair. I didn't know what to do with it, but I loved it. Now leaving my hair natural is not a political choice, or a black awareness statement, or anything. Like I said it all started out as being too lazy to take care of my hair, then continued on as hey maybe I don't have to have my husband perm my hair while we are overseas!
So it came as kind of a shock to me that so many women AGONIZE over whether or not to go natural. There are SO many websites, articles, tweets, etc written by women who have decided to thumb their noses at America and go natural I was surprised. In fact, my natural tresses could be signaling that I am edgier, or trendier than I actually am. I think I am saved by the fact that I still straighten my hair on occasion, but when I go back to the states I intend to have my hair professionally looked at to see if I can get the most AWESOME AFRO ever, just because it looks cool, not because I am in any way Afrocentric.... you can ask almost anyone... I am the least Afrocentric person you will ever meet.
Anyway, I have decided to share my experiments with the world. So I will post some pics of the experiments as the happen.

9/11

It has been 8 years since the attacks on 9/11 and so much has changed, and yet so little.... I moved to NY in October of 2001, a mere month after 9/11. The city was still very much in shock. We lived in Brooklyn, but whenever I took the train to Canal street to see my then fiance there was always this smell that hung over the air. I am not someone attracted by death, or famous places so I did not go to visit the sites of the building. I didn't see it until February of the next year when I worked at Merrill Lynch, I walked into my boss' office and looked out of his window into a gaping hole. I couldn't believe he had his blinds open, when I asked him about it he said that the site looked almost normal at that point, before it really was a nightmare. I can't imagine what he must have thought, the buildings had to have been close enough to see the others out of the window.
I can't imagine what it was like for people who lived in NY during the attacks. What does it mean, when the subways shut down, when you are terrified to get on a bus, what happens when you work uptown but live in lower Brooklyn?
One of the saddest things I remember about New York during this time are the posters. Everywhere you looked there were posters of missing people. People looking for people, some were young, some were old, some had children, some were somebody's children.
But even just a month after 9/11 the city was already healing. I go back now, and the city, while not the same, still lives on... stronger, meaner, tougher. New York grabbed my heart in a way that no other city really has. It's gritty, dirty, and mean, but it's a survivor - the greatest city on Earth.

Ho hum back again

So I woke up this morning and opened up my curtains only to find a BEAUTIFUL rainbow painted across my sky. I think it was the biggest brightest rainbow I've ever seen! I could even see the purple in it clearly (normally when I see rainbows they are mostly red and yellow with the green and blue fading out). It only lasted a little while though so I didn't even have a chance to get my camera out (by the time I finished gawking and getting DD to look it was on it's way out). I'm going to take it as a good omen that my time here in Taiwan will be good.

Why I do it

So DH has been extraordinarily helpful in the past couple of months and it has made my stay at home mom experience much nicer. I've been thinking about it and talking to my friends about it, and sometimes I feel a little inadequate because my grandmothers both worked full time, raised five children, cleaned and had dinner on the table every night. Keeping that in mind why should I complain about raising just one child, with little or no cleaning and lots of help from my DH?
Last night I finally hit on the answer. There are SO many other things that I could be doing. I went to school for 7 years to get a higher educational degree. I have many talents that would make me valuable to many people. Yet I choose to stay home and I believe that my special combination of talents and abilities make me MOST valuable to my family. I believe that it is an honor and a privilege to be able to stay at home with my family. That being said I want what I give to my family to be freely given, and given out of love. I don't want it tainted by what could have been or what I wish there was. My grandmothers had no choice. It was expected of them to give 150% every day. So they did it. I don't know if they enjoyed it, or always gave what they could with a smile. I know from the stories that my grandparents were tough I believed they loved their families but I don't necessarily think that their families got the best of them.
So yes, I don't vacuum everyday, take care of multiple children, and have three course meals on the table every night at 6, but I'd like to think that I try to give my family the best of me or at least give what I have to give freely and with as much love as I can on any given day. I may not always succeed, but I'd like to think that I try for the best every day. I think that the day that I stop doing that is the day that I am going to need to go back to work.

Cameras

We've had our Nikon digital SLR camera now for over a year and I have to say I've never been so excited about a camera. The pictures that I take with the camera are so much better than the ones I've been taking with our point and shoot. It almost makes me want to get involved in photography and buying expensive lenses and what not. I would not say that I'm anywhere near professional level, but I occasionally get shots that are so beautiful that you almost want to touch them.
I think the camera illustrates the difference between my husband and I quite well. DH takes staged shots, great scenery and architecture shots all of which are absolutely stunning. And while I hate taking the time out of whatever activity we are currently in the middle of to take the pictures I also really love having the pictures at the end. Now if I have the camera I will just snap pictures at random, so we often have to ignore or discard maybe two thirds of the shots that I take (maybe even three quarters, I'm not sure), but in that last third (or quarter) you get some pretty neat action shots (if I do say so myself).
But, it is nice to have the album that includes the posed shots and the on the fly action shots. It's just learning to work with the difference that's hard, but once you figure out how to appreciate each other you really have something beautiful.

website

You know I just went to the home page of my website and I realized just how much it sucks. I need to figure out how to design a better website, or just give up my domain name. Why am I paying for something when I don't use it?

New Orleans

It is hard to boil a weekend trip down to just a few words. Especially about a place like New Orleans.
New Orleans is an older city that sits in a bend of the Mississippi river, in fact one of the nicknames of the city, "the Crescent City" comes from the location of New Orleans on that bend. It was primarily a French settlement, and it is one of the few places in America where French speakers and French language things outnumber Spanish. However, what that really means is that New Orleans has a little bit of a feel of Europe while being firmly rooted in the South.
What does that mean? Well, the French Quarter is made up of town homes and tighter quarters in European fashion. Residences, commercial property, bars and restaurants all share the same space on the street. There is a lot of beautiful architecture and very ornate balconies everywhere. And while the city is showing it's age, it has a definite beauty to it. Maybe it's not age, but damage from Katrina, but I don't remember N.O. before Katrina (the last time I went there I was maybe 15) so I can't say what has changed.
But everywhere you look there is Southern Hospitality, the food and many of the drinks are Southern. The people are definitely Southern (we were at a CVS and my husband couldn't figure out what was wrong with the cashier, she was just too friendly, and I had to tell him, it's the South). And the weather was Southern. It was March and we were in shorts and sundresses!
N.O. also reminded me a lot of Austin Tx, in that in many ways it's a much bigger city than it's population would suggest. The number of restaurants that served decent food and drinks could have supported a much larger city. There were also places that were soley dedicated to one type of food, Like Beignets or Muffalatos. That is hard to find in bigger cities like DC or Houston. There were also so many musicians in N.O. almost every little place in the Quarter had live entertainment, and for cheap! In so many other places live entertainment is a rare treat, but in N.O. it was everywhere.
On our last night we made our way to Preservation Hall for some good old fashioned Jazz. For ten bucks you could listen to three hours of Jazz, if you chose. There were no frills, just the Jazz players, some fold out seats and a little lighting. But the Jazz was VERY good.
And once you get out of the quarter and view some of the old style mansions in the Garden District you almost want to move to New Orleans, until you remember that it's spring and in another month it will be a hundred degrees in the shade and you won't want to eat or even lay down because it is just TOO hot! So you go back home.

the weight wait

I have finally admitted to myself that something needs to be done. I think because I've NEVER had to worry about my weight that I just assumed that one day I would bounce back to my college body. Without having to lift a dumbbell, or ride a bike. But I was out at Forever 21 on Friday and I saw myself in the mirror surrounded by people who can shop at Forever 21 and I realized that something needs to be done. It didn't sink in right there. I got home and looked in our mirror all by myself and it didn't look as bad, but in the back of my mind I knew it was a LIE!
This knowledge has been building for some time, hence the giving up of elevators for lent, but it has been battling against my natural laziness. I HATE to exercise! Which is partly why I love Yoga so much, I get the full body workout without the horrible feeling of sweat, and without gasping for air. But I think I'm going to have to add a cardio, or something. Yoga alone is not going to cut it.
Of course, as I thought this to myself this afternoon, I was eating a candy bar, and after Babes went to bed I ate a huge bowl of pudding topped with extra whipped cream. I know it's no justification but there was a lot of screaming today and a VERY grumpy, VERY destructive toddler, sometimes chocolate is in order.

Spring is coming

*Sigh* I saw the first of the blooms start appearing on the trees today. Usually I am very excited for spring, but not so much this year. This year the warmer weather is a harbinger of our impending move. I knew it was temporary when we came, but I didn't realize how comfortable I would become. I know most of it is because of Babes. She has become very attached to my mom and my father in law, I feel almost guilty knowing that I will be taking her away and she will not be able to just call Big Mama or be only two hours away.
It is also VERY easy to live here. I don't have to think 6 weeks into the future in terms of supplies and toys. If I want something I can just go out to the store. And as bad as it is, I even find things I didn't know that I needed (which is why it's probably better that we are leaving the US).
We even have a very nice weekly routine. Our days are filled with activities that keep us busy and often take us away from the apartment.
Though it might be nice to get away from the depressing ever present news about the economy, the housing market, and the DOOM TO US ALL!

Days like today

Days like today make me miss California. It's the days where the sun is shining, the wind is soft, and it seems almost too perfect to be real. These are what I remember in my mind as California days, the only difference is that in California I knew that tomorrow would be just like this too, and the next day, and the next..... Here they come along like sea shells on the beach, here is one, that is cracked, oh here is one that is chipped, oh here is a perfect one, oh, no the next one is not so good. It is sad, but quintessentially Californian, that what I think of doing on days like this is driving. Rolling the windows down, cranking up the music and driving along the Ocean. The road stretching on in front of you to the horizon, the sun glinting off the ocean on your right and the desert flat and dry on your left. *sigh*
Instead, Babes and I went out to the play ground and I let the wind toss my hair around for a little while. Not the same.

spread out

One of the most maddening things about the foreign service lifestyle are all the transitions. I knew when we left Baku that we would be in the US for about a year. So we had to try to reduce our household into the most used items that would fit into 600 pounds of air freight. Now if you don't know, 600 pounds is a lot of stuff, but it doesn't fit everything. We left behind a good portion of the kitchen stuff, all of our lamps, rugs, pictures, etc. half of Babes' toys, and various other things that make up a household. And while we are pretty well set up here in our furnished rental, it doesn't cover everything. You've got your basic cooking equipment, but no baking pans, so I have been either putting off baking or purchasing baking pans.
You also tend to forget what you've packed or not, and I think in the excitement of packing I left some things that I intended to bring, and brought things that I intended to leave. It's so frustrating because I'm sometimes positive that I brought something and I tear apart the apartment only to discover that it's not here. And if it's not here is it at my parent's house, or my in-law's house? I hate being so spread out! Sometimes I feel as if I can't find ANYTHING!

money matters

I'm getting a little tired of all these "money saving" tips that you get from mainstream media. They are so lame that they border on the rediculous sometimes. Do people really not know some of this stuff? For instance, one such tip said that if you brew your own coffee at home instead of going to starbucks everyday you will save hundreds of dollars a year. Who didn't know this? Seriously? A cup of coffee at starbucks costs at least $2, a bag of coffee at the grocery store costs $8. If you drink more than 4 cups you have saved money.
I have gotten to the point where I no longer read these so called money saving tips because they don't tell me anything I don't already know. I mean I already cook at home. I don't order wine when I go to restaraunts. I shop for clothes at season end clearances. Buy store brand food. I know how to use a budget. *SIGH* I guess I could start bathing the dog at home, but it is totally worth the $25 to have somebody else do it. I don't have to bathe her in my tub, or with a garden hose in 30 degree weather, I drop her off and three house later she is magically clean. That and custom purses from viv pickle are my two big frivolous expenses.
I didn't realize that my parents were teaching me to be frugal, I just thought it was the way everyone was raised. I didn't know that people were going to McDonald's everyday or buying things for their kids that they couldn't afford. And I never really felt deprived, I might have felt slighted or unfairly cheated, but I got over it. I think we have somehow forgotten that life is full of ups and downs and that kids need to experience these things in order to be able to be happy as adults. If you always sugar coat life how are they going to learn how to deal with bad times when they move out of your house. No matter what you do, you will not be able to protect your kids forever. They need to know that plants, animals, and people all die, and that death is a part of life, as is sadness, and sometimes pain. You will also not be able to get everything you want, sometimes no matter what you do there will be things you can't have.

Columbus

Babes and I just returned yesterday from another trip out to Columbus, OH to see my Gparents. My grandfather turned 89 this past weekend. Unfortunately, he has reached 89 under the fog of an Alzheimer's like disease which has left him uncommunicative and unresponsive. My grandmother, who is only slightly younger than my grandfather, is still a tiny little fireball of energy and will power. She does a wonderful job celebrating his life and makes sure that no one overlooks or ignores my grandfather. When you call on the phone, you must say a word to him, if she is having a party, she will bring him home from the place where he is staying to be a part of the party. And she will try as much as possible to include him in the festivities. It is not so bad now that he lives in a nursing home, but when she was taking care of him it was incredibly frustrating. When Babes was born we drove for 12 hours to bring her my baby, but she was so busy managing my grandfather that she didn't even really look at Babes. I guess my problem is that we are so busy trying not to leave my grandfather out, that we never get to do anything in Columbus that resembles anything. For the first time, this last visit, I was able to eat at a restaraunt that was not Old Time Country Buffett. I never say anything, because I know my mom has a hard time with the situation, and I know my grandmother is doing the best she can, and the only thing she knows to do, but I'm still frustrated.

Man, I'm a grown up

It started out as a small thing, really. I noticed it first when watching Superman Returns a couple of years ago. It might not have been the first time I thought it, but it was the first time I noticed thinking it. What I thought was, "will insurance cover this?" Not, "will Superman pull through?" Not, "how will he defeat this guy?" But, "will insurance cover this?" I was disturbed by this thought, apparently my believe button was not getting enough use, or maybe it just needed a tune up, or something. I didn't think anything was seriously wrong. But, now! OH!
I am currently reading the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer, it's not a bad, aside from the overwhelming teenage angst I kind of like it. BUT! And here's where I know that my believe button is severely damaged. The part of the story that bugs me, I mean really gets to me, is not that there are vampires and werewolves, no. I get stuck trying to figure out what on earth a 200 year old vampire wants with a 17 year old girl. I know this is a recent thing because it never bothered me while watching Buffy. Angel was just as old, and Buffy just as young, but I never once thought about it. Now it almost ruins the story. After all, I find 17 year olds a little irritating, and I'm only a little older. I can't imagine what it would be like after 200 years, unless it is as I suspected and men really don't age past 17.
UGH! Does anyone know where I can get a believe button fixed?

PS for those of you wondering what a believe button is, think of it like an imagination cap, or whatever. It's the button you push when watching things like Independence Day that let you buy that an advanced civilization of aliens can be brought low by a computer virus uploaded from a mac.

Mortality

So a high school friend of mine just got in touch with me this week and one of the things she told me as we were catching up is a mutual friend of ours died about two years ago in a car crash. Well, it is sad, yes,I'm sorry maybe tragic is a better word for it. And while I have not shed any tears for him, the fact that he has passed on has disturbed my balance. For the last couple of days the idea has been popping up and twisting around inside my brain. She wrote a very moving tribute on her blog, talking about the day she met him, which got me thinking about how I know other people and where we met, etc.
What I find weird is that when I think about it, a lot of my friends chose me. I am not the chatty type, and I often will be content to sit in a corner and watch the interactions of those around me. So for a friendship to have developed it means that we either had class together, or some other function, or that they started talking to me. I wonder what it is that drew these people to me. Was it that I wasn't talking? Or that I look interesting? Or maybe they just wanted to make me feel more comfortable, and so a friendship started. I don't know.
Don't get me wrong, I have made it a point to befriend some people. I can on occasion be outgoing, it just takes so much effort. You've got to think up things to say, and smile and whatnot, it's so much easier to just be quiet and watch. I think it comes from growing up where I never really fit in. I hung out, and did stuff, but I was never really like everyone else. I learned to cope, and now I really like it, but I guess it leaves a mark.

Obama

I can't believe that we are now two days into Barack Obama's presidency. (Blogger still hasn't added his name to spell check) It is still amazing to me that we have elected a bi-racial man president. I am a little afraid for him, people's expectations are SO high. People will randomly tell me things about what they are thinking, and I can't imagine that he will be able to be a successful president in the eyes of the people. Everyone seems to think that things are going to get better starting today, and while I think that it is better to have a smart guy in office, I can't believe that it will get better tomorrow. The problems that we are facing are so huge, it will have to take some time to get to even a plateau. So what will happen to his approval ratings in the meantime? Even if he does set up programs that will eventually lead us out of this mess, if people aren't seeing the results they want will they continue to put up with him?

Israel

We are back from the holy land! Over the new year my sister in law got married in Israel. Of course we, the crazy travelers that we are, could not just go to the wedding and come back, so we took a week and made a vacation out of it to see some of what everyone is talking about. We spent four days in Jerusalem and three in Tel Aviv and two on the floor of the Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris.
So what to say about Israel....
Well, I can honestly say that it was a lot different than I imagine, but I suspect that the weather had a LOT to do with that. Jerusalem, instead of being a dusty dry desert city was a cold and wet city. Although when you think about all the places that you are walking hundreds of millions of other people have walked there first it is still pretty awesome. All the history in that tiny little place can be a little overwhelming. I think we saw a lot of the major tourist sites within the old city, although most of them not on purpose. The only thing that I can say for sure that we saw on purpose was Golgotha, or the place of the crucifixion. After that, we generally ended up finding a point of interest on the way to another point of interest that we never did find, that is until we were looking for something else. In this manner we "found" most of the gates to the old city, the wailing wall, the Via Dolorosa, as well as the churches (or maybe chapels) that are built on the site of Jesus' initial trial and flagellation. We found the Dome of the Rock on purpose, but I don't know if that was cheating or not since we asked someone, and also did not find it the first time we looked for it.
Jerusalem also had a HUGE military presence. Everywhere we went, and I mean EVERYWHERE there were groups of soldiers on patrol, standing guard, or just hanging out. It was obvious in Jerusalem that Israel was a country in the midst of conflict. Unfortunately, it was so cold and wet on all the days that we were traveling in Jerusalem that it is hard to come up with something else to say.
Tel Aviv, was nicer weather wise, but I unfortunately had stomach issues that laid me up for an entire day so I didn't get to see anything but Jaffa, the port city where Jonah's journey to Nineveh is supposed to have started. Tel Aviv is a much more relaxed city. I don't know that I saw soldiers there at all, and for the most part people were outside, shopping, eating in restaurants seemingly without a care in the world. It seemed very disconnected from reality.
My sister in law's wedding was very interesting. First of all, Israelis do not attend weddings in suits or dresses. Israelis apparently go everywhere in jeans. There were girls at the wedding in skirts, but they were very casual skirts, like you would go to the mall in. Then, in an Israeli wedding you do not sit nicely in your chairs, but you huddle around the huppa (a traditional wedding canopy) and shout encouragements at the bride and groom. They did not dance a horah (a big circle dance that usually involves everyone at the reception) although they did dance with the bride and groom on their shoulders. Even still it was a beautiful service.
On the way back Paris was snowed in and we spent the night on the floor of Charles De Galle. When we got back to the states, we discovered that our luggage was still on vacation so Babes spent almost a week in Pjs and tights since almost her entire wardrobe was in our luggage. But we all made it back safe and sound and that's all that counts.

Naked Booty!

At home all day with a baby I usually end up making up songs for activities that do not already have songs to go with them. For instance, you know the oldie but goody "this is the way we wash our face" well I have added to that, the Dirty Diaper song (to the tune of the Indiana Jones theme) and Naked Booty (to the tune of Are You Sleeping). For whatever reason the Naked Booty song has taken off with Babes. At any given time she can launch into a rendition of "Naked Booty Naked Booty Naked BUTT! Naked BUTT!" I personally think that she is adorable singing it especially because she emphasizes the "BUTT!" And naked comes out like Nakey. But my mom is horrified. She thinks that Zora will be kicked out of preschool (even though she is not yet two and there is still a whole year before she will get to school, which in my opinion is plenty of time to forget an undesirable song) or that we will be in church and she will start singing that. Which still won't embarrass me because we sing the song at bath time to get out of all the clothes so there is nothing wrong with it.
Although yesterday in the car she just started shrieking NAKED BUTT! for no reason at all. I might be a little embarrassed by that.

Thanxmas

My brother is deploying (*AGAIN!*) to Iraq sometime late November, maybe early December so he is once again going to miss the holidays. So this past weekend my family rolled Thanksgiving and Christmas into one big holiday called Thanxmas. We borrowed an artificial tree decorated the inside of the house, and bought some inexpensive gifts for everyone, except my brother and his wife who received real holiday presents. I bought all the old holiday movies, Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving and Christmas, Rudolph, Frosty, etc. Add to that some holiday music and a Thanksgiving feast and you really do feel like you've just celebrated Christmas. I went to the store and thought to myself "why is this store open on.... oh wait, it is not Thanksgiving or Christmas!"
All in all it was a fun time. Babes really enjoyed the opening of presents and I think my brother and sister had a good time too. It wasn't until I was leaving that I realized that this would probably be the last time that I would see my brother before he deployed. Which was probably good because then I would have been sad. Luckily I was able to forget about it until it was too late to ruin everything.
Happy Thanxmas Everyone!

Catching up!

So I've been through my first adult Halloween. I have to say it was very weird handing out candy to all the little ones. The first couple of "customers" were wee little ones who weren't entirely sure what to make of the whole thing. Their parents shoved them up to the door then told to say "trick or treat" which sometimes they did and sometimes they didn't, and then I gave out some candy and posed while pictures were taken then there was a kind of awkward moment while we tried to figure out what to do. I was waiting for them to leave so I could close the door, I don't know what they were waiting for, probably for me to make some sort of "oh how cute" comment (it wasn't until the third or fourth child that I realized I should make some sort of banter) or maybe they weren't sure what to do themselves. With the older kids it wasn't a problem, they were basically trying to hit as many houses as they could before it was too late so they grabbed candy and ran. All in all it's very interesting being on the other side of the door.
Also, we've elected our first black president! Can you believe it?!?!?! I seriously did not think people would be able to vote for a black man, but apparently messing with your money pisses people off to the point where they don't care about skin color. I am very proud of my country.
I just got back from Columbus visiting my grandparents with my mom. My grandfather seems to be holding his own against Alzheimer's although I can tell that he is slowly losing the fight. It's a horrible way to go, although I suppose he's not in pain (although maybe he is but can't tell us) so I guess it's not horrible. I often wonder about what goes on inside of someone who has Alzheimer's. Is he trapped behind a wall but is still seeing and hearing like in the old days, but can't make us understand. Or is it truly like what we see and the brain goes away piece by piece. Is this a case where quantity is better than quality or should we think about quality instead of quantity.
Anyway, we are off this weekend to celebrate Thanksmas for my brother who is deploying soon. Since we are not sure if he will be home for Thanksgiving or Christmas we are combining them into one big holiday this weekend. I bought the Christmas specials and we've got decorations up, there are presents, and feasts planned. I hope to take tons of pictures and hope this will be the best Thanksmas EVER!

My Own Name

So I was perusing the internet the other day and I came across a post on Her Bad Mother where she is stopped at the border because she and her child do not share the same last name. And she started to wonder if she should change her last name. It made me start to think about my decision not to change my last name. When we got married I always assumed that I would be a career woman. Keeping my last name, the name that all my degrees were in, keeping my own separate professional identity was very important to me. I also am very proud of my last name, it is the name of my father, his father, and his father before that. My dad once told me, and it is the same thing that his dad told him, that the only thing he had to give was his name, it came to him unblemished, and he is giving it to me unblemished and that's the way I should keep it.
I have had many identity issues in my life. I wanted to be blond. I wanted a different first name. I may have even wanted to be a boy (you know the running, jumping, not having to wear skirts!). But I have always been attached to my last name. My last name has always been an essential part of who I am.
Now that I am actually an adult and living my life... and I am not the professional woman that I wanted to be, I am actually clinging harder to my last name. As a spouse in the foreign service I do not have my own identity. I am " 's wife" Whenever I go anywhere or need anything done I don't use my name or status it is all under his information. Maybe it's silly, but keeping my last name reminds me, if no one else, that I am my own person. I have my own talents. I am separate from my husband, intelligent, and accomplished. Perhaps someday soon I will find a way to remind everyone else too.

Not in Season

As the weather gets colder and we move further into fall I have definitely decided that I am not a seasonal person. I am perfectly happy with an endless summer, or maybe even a summer with a brief rainy period in between. I am always mad when the irrefutable proof of summer's end approaches. In the last few weeks I have been cursing at the leaves as they change colors. Don't get me wrong, I think the changing leaves are pretty, but the accompanying cold weather is no good.
It is times like this that I REALLY miss California and wonder why it was that I left. Yes, I know, I am having lots of fun adventures that I could NEVER have in CA but as winter approaches I will wonder more and more if it is actually worth it.

Old Friends

So we went this weekend to see an old college friend of mine. It's been some time since I've seen him, and I definitely have not seen him since he married. The difference in him is remarkable and I could kill the girlfriend that he had in high school/college. The boy I knew did not smile as often as the married man, was not as comfortable in his own skin. I remember how much I worked to draw him out of his shell so that he felt comfortable enough to be a little silly, and now he is silly with his baby, easy with his smiles, and a lot more confident. It's amazing what a difference the right person can make. I figured this out for myself, and it seems as if he figured this out too, but I wish I could share this with others. Love should not make you miserable, or keep you locked in your room, or even make you mean and witchy. Love should make you happier (most of the time, sometimes it will frustrate you and make you angry, but that's normal you are after all dealing with people) more confident, and possibly even nicer.
Mary Rose, wherever you are, I do not wish you well!

Hair

So I've been all natural and free, hairwise, for about the two months. Not by choice. I've been trying to do something different with my hair. I don't want to put in a relaxer, dreadlocks, or braids, but then that leaves me fairly limited on what I can do. Cutting out those options and you eliminate most black salons. So I was going to try out this salon that my aunt recommended so I was willing to wait. BUT the first time I showed up they did not have my rescheduled appointment, this time I wisely called before I left and they didn't have the products for my hair AND they seemed surprised when I didn't want to come in, what pay $100 for something I didn't want? I thought it was a professional shop. I am SO glad they did not take my credit card because if they charged me today for canceling my appointment on short notice because they didn't have the products for my hair, I would be HIGHLY TICKED OFF! As it is I'm annoyed. What kind of place is this that regularly runs out of the products that they are selling?
Why can't I find a decent hair shop? You know I'm a middle class black woman, I don't live in the hood, why should I have to go there to get my hair done? Why do I have to suffer through missed appointments, or wait for three hours even when I have an appointment, we're not talking about doctors here, we're talking about hair stylists, and most of them are of just average quality. Why do we, middle class black women, put up with this? We have jobs, our time is valuable, where is the shop that caters to us?

Indoor fun

With the weather being all crap and I, myself, being sick. Babes and I have been forced to come up with some indoor fun (contrast this to Baku when we NEVER left the house). I discovered one of those spikey rubber balls at Target for a dollar! I have managed to wear out my child with minimal effort on my part. First of all, she can't throw forward so 4 times out of 5 she has to run after the ball herself because she has thrown it behind her (she learned the same lesson Honey did: Momma doesn't chase balls!). Then if I throw the ball to her she can't really catch so she is still sort of chasing. It's great!

Not the suburbs.... NOOOooooooooo

So we are living WAY out in the Virginia suburbs and we are thinking about buying a house/townhouse out here. Being a recent convert to city living I have been dragging my feet. After all, when you live in the city you can *gasp* walk to the store, or catch a ride on the bus or subway to where you want to go. In the suburbs you mostly have to drive. Which is fine, but with gas prices going crazy limiting yourself to one car makes more and more sense. Plus most of the livable areas in DC or Arlington seem just perfect for the way that I would want my life to be.
So imagine my surprise today when I was out walking the dog and Babes when I actually started to like the neighborhoods that I've been walking around in. It seems that years of growing up in the suburbs can take over just like that *SNAP!* once you have a baby. But I guess, the neighborhoods WAY out here are more like the idea that I had when I was a kid about what I would have when I grew up. *SIGH* I just don't like it. I don't want to be so far away from everything that I don't know what is going on in my own city. I don't want to drive through the neighborhood so fast everyday that I have no idea who my neighbors are. .... but the houses are so nice, they have yards, and fences, and *GASP* trees!
What is a city convert to do?

a moment of quiet

Ah blessed naptime! I think we have started the terrible two's. I don't know why people call them that when they start WAY before your child even turns two. Although I have to say that a lot of what I learned when training Honey applies to dealing with Babes. 1. Burn off the energy. 2. Make sure she gets lots of sleep. and 3. Patience!
I didn't actually think Babes would need another nap today, but she has been fighting me every step of the way since she woke up from her nap. Finally I just couldn't take it anymore and I put her to bed. Hopefully she will wake up her normal cheerful more obedient self.

Long time no....

So we are finally settled into our apartment in the DC area and we are back to living semi-normal lives again. We even bought our first new car! It's exciting and not exciting all at the same time. It's exciting because it's a new car! WOOOOOO!!!!! But it's a sensible mom-mobile. We just bought a Toyota RAV-4 which is cute, sensible has lots of room, and easy to drive. BUT! In the car I TOTALLY feel like a mom. Sometimes I can pretend that I'm still young and carefree but driving a RAV-4 nope I'm a mommy. There's just so much space back there, and add to it the cheerios in my pocket and the kid songs on the radio and there's no denying it. *SIGH*
On the other hand, we are in DC and it is SO Much easier to get out of the house. There are places to go where we don't have to spend money... Like parks, the zoo, museums, or even the mall or a mall. Babes and I have just spent the last three days riding around in the metro which is LOADS of fun! She gets so excited when the trains come and riding the escalator! Lots of "oOH!s" and "aAH!s" and that 1 1/2 year old exclamation that I couldn't write out if I tried. Starting next week we are going to try to go somewhere new every week until we leave. Wish me luck!

Made it out!

*Deep breath!* AH! It is good to be back in the good old US of A! There is no traffic rumbling outside my window, I can hear the television without having it turned up to ungodly levels and I can walk outside without fear of being run down on the side walk (I can even walk in the street in my parent's neighborhood without fear of being run down! What bliss!). If I want to go somewhere to get out of the house, there are places to go because there are stores big enough that if I just want to go and look around I can. BUT if I don't want to go to a store there are museums, parks, and community centers (not that I have EVER been to a community center but I am told they are there). OR I could go to a LIBRARY *GASP*! Although you really can't go to a library with a 16month old who loves books and loves nothing better than to pull them all off the shelf so she can look at them in one giant pile on the floor that she's sitting on top of an screaming at the top of her lungs at all the words. (Yes I know that was one really long sentence!)
Ah it's good to be back!

Only in Azerbaijan

So we were pretty sure that Honeydog had a UTI a few weeks ago, so we called up the local ex-pat animal shelter and asked for a vet. It turns out that they had opened a brand new clinic for dogs and cats very close to us. AND office visits were only 10 manat! So we packed up the circus (babes, me, V, and Honeydog) and went to see this vet.
The vet's office was in the basement of a house in a part of town under serious construction (We had to drive through a construction site to get there) but was fairly nice. The house itself must be huge because the basement had three rooms and a pool. It was fairly clean, and only smelled mildly of animal. The staff was fairly nice, but the vet and the veterinary nurse did not immediately inspire confidence in us. First of all, we arrived, the doctor came out and what impressed me most of all was his stench (yes, I know you can shower ever day but if you don't use deodorant you still smell, but WHOA!), but whatever, this is common overseas, Americans are overly fussy about smells. But then, Honeydog moves to greet the vet and he does one of those little Azeri moves where he tenses up and holds his hands out in front of himself. Now while I can't say for sure that he was afraid of dogs, I can say that he did not look comfortable handling a dog. And his nurse, well she wouldn't come anywhere near Honeydog's head. They conducted their business, although a little stiffly because it's hard to conduct a physical exam of an animal that you are not comfortable touching and gave us prescriptions and I think everything's ok, but I've got to say. Why be a vet if you are afraid of dogs?

The End is Near!

I can't believe that I have *probably* less than four weeks left here. I am always so anxious to be gone, but then when it gets right down to it, I don't actually believe I'm going until I'm already somewhere else. I guess this is the problem with ex-pat life always coming and going. But, I have so many reason to be glad that we're going. For instance, tonight, I went out for dinner with a group of mums (that's British for moms) and I spent a little more than $50, and there was only two bottles of wine! Before we would have a drunken debauchery (for an American, at least, apparently for the Brits it's only dinner) and it would have run me maybe $40. Prices are steadily going up. I know it's the same in the US, but my mind is already set for the belt tightening. And if necessary I can get cheap Chinese food or Pizza.
One thing I am going to miss though, is that everyone here loves children. I know I've written about it before, but I just can't get used to the fact that guys, boys, teens, young adults, love babies too. When I'm walking around with Zora teenage boys come up and look at her and play with her, it's just too weird. In the U.S. We would be in the group completely ignored by that age group. What have we done wrong in the US where we no longer adore children? When did it become a bad thing to breed? Why are we ok with that?

Counting down

So instead of napping, I am thinking of ways to waste time (because I've got soo much extra time) in the final few weeks we are here. I think I would like to take the camera out and snap some shots of things around Baku that we do all the time. We were supposed to do it in china, but never got around to it, and now I'm sad that we didn't... although not really. I also need to find a place to print off photos so that I can finish Zora's scrap book and put pictures from Africa in an album. I should also do Kiev and Odessa, but I know that I won't get to that before we go. But that can wait since I don't have an album for those pics anyway.
I am also trying to finish crocheting a present for a friend who is going to have a baby. This will be the first thing that I have ever made for a non-family member and I'm a little nervous. I'm also mad that I chickened out of the orange. The brown I have is so boring and not cool. Maybe I'll finish this, in enough time to make another one in the proper orange color and I'll give this one to someone else. I know three babies due in Nov/Dec so I'm sure I can find someone to give it to.
I really should go take a nap.

Naps and poo

I'm trying to figure out what the link is between naptime and poo time. For some reason lately whenever I put Babes down for a nap when she wakes up she has left me a present in her diaper. Which is not a problem except that she likes to cuddle for a little while after she wakes up so I have to sit with her all cuddled up smelling like serious stinky poo. Is it that she's all relaxed and it is therefore easier for her to get business done, or should I be waiting for her to make her presents before she goes down for a nap (except that I never know which nap is the surprise nap). Case in point, she has just woken up, is sitting on my lap very stinky, yet all cuddled up while I write this. I think she might be ready to get a new diaper. P!U!

Date night!

So Saturday night we left Babes with a baby sitter and headed out for a night on the town. (Although when I say "night" I mean evening or maybe mere three hours) And since we are leaving Azerbaijan soon (Wooo HOOO!) we decided to forgo the normal, well I guess this could be Italian food if you squint with one eye and hop on one foot cuisine and headed out to a place that served Azeri food. One of the better places to go in Baku is the Beh Beh club (I wonder what that means). We hit the one just out of town that kind of looks like a traditional house and has live performers. The building itself was very neat, I guess a traditional house looks a little like a ski lodge with a garden, all wooden and sloping roofs. Inside it was modestly decorated with candles and various kinds of Azeri copperware, dolls in native dress, and candles.
The musicians weren't bad even though they played elevator jazz (although I have to admit, that I do like elevator jazz). However, the belly dancer was... well, here's the thing. I think, I have never seen it live, that belly dancing can be sensuous and a very unique art. HOWEVER, most places when they boast having a belly dancer usually mean a stripper who is not taking off her clothes, but wearing a belly dancing costume. I keep going because I keep hoping to see tastefully done belly dancing.... but no. If I was going to have a belly dancer in a restaurant I would find someone who could dance, then have her only accompanied by a drum, a wind instrument of some kind, and maybe a tambourine. But I guess that's harder to find, it is easier to find a young woman, put her in a costume and tell her to shake her stuff to Russia's Madonna equivalent. But that's neither here nor there.
The other interesting thing was that we were there at the same time as a birthday party. There was the general feasting, and then as the night progressed some dancing. I've only seen it once before, but this is the first place I've been that has it's own unique form of dancing. Most clubs that I've been to all over the world have about the same booty shaking dances that the US has. But here the women give their wrists and hands a little flick as they stick out alternating feet with a little hop. There's almost no booty shaking going on at all. The men do something similar, except that their hands do not flick and they usually tap their foot against another male partner's foot. I wish I was better at describing or I could think of what it reminds me of. It's very interesting and looks pretty cool, and is one of the truly unique things that they have going on for them here.

No more help

So I've been back for a full week plus now and completely without help. And I have to say, I should have fired the maid sooner and hired someone else. It just goes to show you how much she irritated me that I would rather mop my own floors than have her around. Which really, if the goal of having domestic help is to make your life smoother and less hectic, do you really want someone around who is just going to make you angry when they leave?
On a different note, Huzby is out being consul. I was out at a going away party and I got called home so that he could take care of a citizen in need. I felt very wife-of-a-super-hero-ish. I was at dinner and I was totally like "I have to go! There's an American Citizen in trouble and they need.... (insert heroish music) the US CONSUL!"

Bored

I'm so bored with my own blog. I think it's mainly because I've turned into a mini-hermit here in Baku. I can't figure out why. But I can never think of anywhere to go, or work up the desire to actually go anywhere. The mere thought of leaving the house is enough to wear me out for the entire day. I know I'm supposed to take Babes out to help her explore the world, but there is really nothing here within walking distance to go to, and what there is you have to cross several streets of death to get there. So we are in the house. But I have vowed to do things differently in DC. For one I have decided NOT to put her in daycare while my husband studies Chinese. So either we get opposing Chinese class schedules or I am going to be a SAHM in the US, which I think will be infinitely harder on my ego because in the US I actually could be working at a successful career, unlike here where I'd probably be answering phones for people who wouldn't understand why I'm not thrilled to be answering their stupid phones, or why I haven't taken the Foreign Service Exam. But! Since DC is supposedly where we could end up spending a significant portion of our lives Babes and I are going to fully explore it and discover all there is to know about DC with a Toddler.... at least until it gets cold.

Back in Baku Again

So my promise to blog more while on vacation did not pan out. But I'm back in Baku and this time it's to the finish. When I leave again, I think it will be for good (unless by some small miracle we get to go to Tbilisi). I don't think I'm ready to be back though. I had planned to go to baby group this morning but when it came right down to it, I just couldn't face the idea of getting in the car and fighting my way through traffic to baby group. I haven't even been outside in the two days that I've been back. I should go out today. It's a pretty enough day that I should make the effort to get out, maybe I'll even take the dog.

on the home front

We are at my parent's house, settled in for the long haul. Well, it's not actually that long. We have less than a month left, probably closer to two weeks now. But it's been good. Babes is enjoying spending time with her Big Mama and Popop. She has really taken to my mom. Sometimes it seems like she leaps out of my arms to get to her. Strangely enough, I don't feel jealous. I used to get a twisted sort of satisfaction when Babes wouldn't go to anybody but me, but now I'm actually glad that she will go to other people. It is still twistedly satisfying when she leaves everyone else to come back to me, but I think I'm growing! I definitely don't want to be one of those mothers that smothers her child. Or won't let them do anything that they didn't pick for them.
But it is different being at home with a baby. First of all, I am not staying up late. As I was telling my parents my alarm clock doesn't have a snooze button. So any time I stay up late I suffer the next morning. Sad to say, but I'm in bed by ten or eleven every night. That means, however, that I am up the next morning before eight. I remember the days when I was home before and I would want to get up to watch Charmed, but would almost never make it up before E.R. came on at 10. Not anymore! I am often up and have had breakfast before Charmed comes on at 8. Not that I watch it, because it's hard to watch TV and keep an eye on a little one who has learned to climb stairs.
My parents are also doing a very good job of staying out of it. They let me do what I feel is necessary for Babes, and don't try to give me a lot of extra advice. I really appreciate it because I know it's hard. But their restraint makes my coming home much easier. If they were constantly telling me this or that I don't know if I'd want to come home as often as I do.
I love my family.

Behind Enemy Lines

So this weekend I am visiting my in-laws... by myself. I volunteered to do this because my mother used to do it with us, so I figured that I could do it too. (Truth be told I didn't think my husband would take me up on it, but once it was out there it was too late to take back) I have been worrying over this for months. Ever since I agreed/volunteered to do it I have been fretting and grumping. When it finally came down to it, only sheer stubborness got me in the car and going. I remember too well the months of visiting that we did where I was little better than a houseplant or a chair for all people noticed me. In the past I was never spoken directly to and most conversations took place in Russian, even when I was sitting at the dinner table. I endured.
I am here now, and I have been pleasantly surprised the whole trip. His parents have been friendly I have had whole conversations with them - in English! I think it has actually gone better this time than it usually goes with him here. Usually I let him talk and I try to stay out of the way so that he can bond, but without him here, there is no one to do the talking for the family except for me. So I have been forced to talk and to share.
I didn't expect it to be this way, but I wouldn't mind coming back again by myself, and possibly even staying longer. I took a leap of faith when I came here and was richly rewarded. God is good.

DONG!

 

Last night as we were getting ready for bed we heard a loud "DONG!" and I said "that is the sound of some fool running into the pipe across the road!" We ran to the window and sure enough, there was a Niva smack dab in the middle of the pipe.
But wait, I have gotten ahead of myself. Yesterday morning I got up and looked out onto what could be called "confusion circle" and noticed that they had place a huge steel pipe across the road where the truck used to be. It looked pretty solid, and people did not seem to be trying to drive around it like the truck so I didn't think anything of it. Until last night. After the first dong we snuggled back down to bed, and then a few minutes later there was another even louder "DONG!" this time I didn't even get up. But it turns out that some poor fool in a Lada had hit the pipe and he was not as lucky as to be able to drive away. An ambulance was called, the police came, a crowd formed (all this is after midnight) and the poor driver was taken away. Now you might think, why did these poor souls run into the pipe. Well, here's the thing. The pipe is a dark copper color during the day, and at night is only a slightly darker black than the surrounding night. It is strung across an unlighted stretch of road. The pipe is layin in the road just after a curve in the road, so if you are speeding, the pipe is only visable for a few seconds before impact (to make matters worse, most people do speed up as they come around the curve since it is going uphill, and they want to keep their momentum). There is also no warning that there is a pipe ahead, no construction signs, no police cars, nothing. Even last night after two cars hit the pipe, and the police came to write a report, they still did not post a sign, or a car or anything. I did hear them yelling for a good ten minutes last night, and I asked about it this morning, but they were only trying to get people to move so the ambulance could get through. They didn't stay to warn other cars or perhaps set out some cones, nope, they just went home. *sigh* I need a life, I am finding this way too entertaining.

trapped in the past

I know I've written a post on this before, but I still think it's fascinating how our image of ourselves as adults is often limited by how others saw us in childhood. I've been watching a little reality television (a show here or there while I wait for Zora to wake up from a longer than normal nap) and I'm always struck by the self image problems that people have that have nothing to do with how they are now. For instance, the fat kid who grew up to be an attractive adult woman still carries around that fat kid persona, she hunches in on herself, won't wear certain clothes because they make her look bigger, etc. Or kids who, for whatever reason, felt like they weren't getting enough attention, as adults they jump all over people to make sure they get heard.
I have it too. I once had a party where only one person showed up (and it really wasn't because people didn't like me, I just waited too long to plan) so I am forever afraid when I invite people over that they won't come, even though that party was almost twenty years ago now. If people are just a little late I start to worry, and make deals with myself. "if one person comes it won't be so bad" or "well if they call it's fine" and I've never had this problem again, people always come, it's just the only black kid in school who can't escape the fact that she is different that I can't grow out of.
Which makes me wonder what it's going to be like for Babes. I would want to protect her from this, but protect her from what? No matter what I do there will be something that doesn't go her way. And she should learn to deal with it. If I smoothed the way for her all the time, when would she learn to handle disappointment, teasing, or unpopularity. It would be nice if I could have grown up popular, beautiful, wonderful, but then I would be a different person. The troubles that I experienced and overcame as a child helped me to be who I am. Even if I am still freaked out by children playing ball because of my ball magnet head.

Gotta love it

Babes and I went out for an impromptu lunch downtown at Cafe Caramel. It was great Babes and I shared lunch since I didn't bring food for her (you know impromptu) and she was actually very good throughout the whole lunch. The other ladies were very impressed with her careful eating skills, and I have to admit Babes put on her best "I'm the cutest" act so, of course, everyone was charmed. On our way out to catch a cab, I got lost (as I always do downtown) while I looked for the perfect place to catch a cab. I usually try to get a cab going in the right direction so I don't have to sit through any death defying car maneuvers but I always get turned around downtown and end up wandering around far longer than necessary. While we were wandering we passed the Aladdin toy store which I always drive by, but parking is a nightmare so I never stop in. It always looks so happy with the bikes and stuffed animals in the window. Well I walked in today and yes the toys are nice (same stuff they have at other toy stores here) but the sales people were watching something questionable on TV. Granted the store was empty, and it was the middle of the day during the week. But I was there and in the three minutes I was in the store I saw a naked woman murdered. Now I understand that working in a store is boring and watching TV helps to pass the time, but naked woman murders? To make matters worse neither person even bothered to look up to find out if I needed anything. It makes me miss the US.

FUBAR revisited

This morning my hubby says "hey there's a huge pileup of cars waiting to drive on the sidewalk out here!" So I had to go check it out, and then I was stuck at the window for the next hour watching the clusterf*&k unravel. I know I get way too much pleasure out of this, but I couldn't help myself this morning. I just had to stand at the window with my camera and take some pictures. It was great! Ok, so you know how they are fixing the pipe up the road and the north bound lanes of our street are blocked off by a giant flatbed. Well I guess this morning they forgot to post a sign or block off the entrance to the north bound lanes from the gas station so the drivers, in their infinite wisdom, seeing the traffic in the south bound lanes (which both north and south bound traffic are sharing) thought to themselves, well I'll just go over here on this street which is all empty and has to be loads faster! Then they get to the truck. Well most people just hopped the curb, and drove through the narrow gap to get to where they could drive again. This worked pretty well, except that only one car can get through at a time so by the time 9:15 rolled about there were cars piled up four across ten deep down the street, each vying for their shot at the one car passageway over the sidewalk. Then, some guy going to the military complex across the street from us parks his car on the sidewalk in front of the one car passageway (I didn't see how this happened, and how he didn't notice the steady flow of cars trying to get through, but whatever) and a minibus gets stuck, can't go forward because of the parked car, can't go back because of the traffic jam of cars four across ten deep, and now everyone is stuck. Some guys in the middle of the line kept trying to get people to back up, but Azeris have an awesome sense of entitlement "why should I move for you, I've got every right to be here." Plus, cars kept piling up in the back.
Finally, someone gets the bright idea to move the truck. So about 15-20 Azeri guys get out of their cars, suits, pointed shoes and all, break into the truck, and start to push it out the way. Well they don't get to far, so they come back with boards and sticks to shove under the wheels and this time they finally get it moved about a foot so the minibus can make its way through and traffic can flow again. By the way, during all this I saw at least five or six cops standing around watching the mess, not getting involved because it's not their jurisdiction, I've also got a picture of a police mobile going through the one car passageway over the sidewalk. HA! Anyway, I took a bunch of photos, and I have to say that these are definitely worth more than my descriptions by far.

FUBAR!

Ok, so it's not a real FUBAR situation (if you don't know what FUBAR is ask around), but it is totally hilarious! Most of the time I hate living on one of the main streets of Baku. The honking horns and revving engines all times of the night is enough to drive anyone bonkers. BUT when it snows, or on days like today when they do something odd to the traffic patterns, the window onto the street is like a microcosm of the society as a whole.
Let me explain. I guess there is some pipe somewhere further up the road that is not doing so well, so they have ripped up the road to repair it. In order to do this they had to shut down one whole side of the street. Earlier today they came with a flatbed truck and placed it across the affected lanes and had some police guys blocking the way. Now in case you haven't lived in the developing world just because there's an obstacle and people are telling you you can't go this way doesn't mean that it necessarily applies to you. In fact, despite the HUGE truck blocking the way, and the sign and the rest of the traffic going the other way, about one car in ten tries to come down the street anyway. They drive up, drive past the sign, get to the huge truck and then have to turn around. The other drivers are either not paying attention or don't really care because there are often two or three cars trying to turn around at the same time.
Since this street is a major artery, they can't just close it off completely, so they have both directions of traffic going on the same side of the street. Which means on a four lane road you have three lanes going north and three lanes going south. (I'll wait while you think about that) Add to that one lane blocked off both ways for stopping mini-buses and parked cars and you have a street that is FUBAR.

All About Poo

You know, I never realized just how much of your time can be dedicated to poo. No not Winnie the Pooh (that would be cute), but actual poo (the biological kind). Before I owned a dog, I never put much thought into it. I mean for the most part, I would take care of my business and not worry about it. After I got married I only thought about my husband's habits to the point that it interfered with my own plans. When we got the dog though, poo became a fifteen minute conversation. Did she poo, how much did she poo, was it right away, hard, soft, etc. I thought that was gross, but with Babes, large chunks of my day are consumed thinking about poo. Has she pooed, when was the last time, how often, etc. I think what's even more disgusting is that I am also worried about what it looks like. Color, texture, consistency, you name it. And I have to say that it is still gross. But necessary. Poo is such a smelly way of determining whether or not things are working as they should. Poo too hard? Not enough water. Too soft? Maybe some GI issues. She can't talk, so I have to read her poo to determine if there's anything I need to worry about. Instead of tea leaves I look for sins in poo. Ahh mysticism at its dirtiest.

Picky

*SIGH* we are trying to buy a carpet. I hate when we are trying to make a major purchase because we can never seem to agree on anything. And if we do agree we can never make the jump into a purchase.... Mainly because of me. I am so fickle that I really want to LOVE something before I buy it. I don't generally like carpets, so I'm terrified that we are going to buy something, take it home, and I'm going to hate it after two days. But I know we need to buckle down because we're running out of time, and if we don't buy a carpet we won't have anything to remind us of Azerbaijan.

It's all over now!

Ah, Babes has finally taken her first steps! I thought they would have come sooner so I was all psyched up for the ride, only to wait for WEEKS past the time when I thought they would come. Only now that they are here, I'M SCARED! I can already see that walking is going to be MUCH faster than crawling, even though the little crawler was FAST! Which means there's that much more destruction to get into. *SIGH* now that she's taken those steps maybe I should just start carrying her around from now on.

Road Rules

So after living overseas in two different countries I have noticed some things that Americans might not know.
For instance:
1. The proper way to run across the street through traffic is to: lean forward slightly so that your head is in front. Then hold your arms stiffly to your sides but angled out slightly behind you so they look a little like wings. Finally, don't take wide steps, but shuffle quickly.
2. In your car, instead of signaling a lane change, drift slowly into the lane beside you until the car in that lane is either a) forced off the road or b) forced to slam on brakes
3. Signs, general road rules, traffic lights, those are for the other guy, not you.
4. Lanes painted on roads are purely decorative.
5. Do not spend more than 2 seconds parking your car. If it doesn't quite fit on the first try, leave it.
6. It is unnecessary to pull over to stop and let people out of your car or talk to your neighbors.
7. Major traffic maneuvers should be made while talking on the phone.
8. As soon as the light changes you should blow your horn so that the person in front of you knows that it's time to go.
9. As a pedestrian you should wear the darkest colors you own while crossing the street at night.
10. Your horn is a very important piece of car equipment, it should be as loud and obnoxious as possible.

Lost in Translation... again

On Wednesday I was taking a cab to dinner when the cab driver started talking to me. It actually makes me a little proud that I was able to follow this conversation at all. In the past I would have just looked at him blankly...
Anyway, I'm going to try my hand at a dialog so here it goes:
"where are you from... cuba?"
"no, I'm from America"
"oh...something something Americ(some kind of ending) beautiful" Here I thought he was hitting on me so I made some non-committal noise.
"what America is not a beautiful country."
"OH!" I thought to myself!
"Yes" I answered. "America is very beautiful."
"Baku too?"
"yes, Baku is also very beautiful." Like I'm going to say No Baku is ugly.
"Ah this is very good!"
Silence for awhile, we drive through some traffic, and a few idiots do stupid things.
"I once had a friend who was Cuban."
"oh?"
"Yes, very pretty. She was also Black." The word for black in Russian sounds very similar to the N word in English, I almost said "What did you say about my Mama? But then I remembered a conversation I had with my language teacher about what to call black people, so I relaxed. He continued....
"Her name was (I immediately forgot the name."
"oh that is a pretty name." meanwhile I'm thinking to myself why are you telling me this.
"She loved me."
"hmmmm."
"She returned home to Cuba, and I couldn't go because something something Mama."
"Oh." What should I say to that, especially since i didn't understand all of it. I then asked to get out early and gave him an extra dollar because of the story. BUT, I then told this story to my language teacher, who got very excited about Cubans (she claims he was complimenting me by asking if I was from Cuba since all Cubans are beautiful).
She said that while she was a student, they had tons of Cubans in Baku studying. Apparently at the college she went to, the first two floors of the building were classrooms and the upper floors were dorms. So every day at the beginning of class the professors would send a student upstairs knocking on the dorm doors to tell people to come to class. One day my teacher was selected for the door knocking duty and she was knocking on doors, then she came to the door of one of the Cubans and she knocked. Suddenly the door was open and standing there in the doorway was a naked Cuban boy... one hand on the door the other covering his privates. She said she was speechless. Then from behind him in the room up popped two women (I cannot say whether or not they were also Cuban, once again my language skills have failed me) also naked. And they said "HI, X, come join us!" She was astounded (and I think she is still astounded to this day!) and she fled. She got back to class, and the teacher asked her if she had woken everyone up, and she said yes they would be down shortly. Before too long had passed, he came into class as if nothing was amiss.
I really do think she was slightly enamored of this Cuban. Even after all this time she still has that look when she describes him. She said he was tall, slim, with a good male figure. Long straight legs, and a cute little butt! (all this was in Russian, can you believe it!)
This is why learning languages can be so much fun!

Perspective

I've been reading "The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down" by Anne Fadiman for my book club and I'm so depressed. I reached a point today where I just couldn't read any more. I hate it when authors of fiction or non fiction put horrific things in their book just to get a reaction. This book has some prime examples of gratuitous heart string pulling. The book is about a Hmong (small ethnic group that lived in Laos) refugee family in California that have an epileptic daughter and the gap in the culture between the family and the doctors. The author alternates between the medical story of the child and the larger backdrop of the conflict in Laos/Vietnam that ultimately led to the family claiming asylum in the US.
War is horrible. I understand that. I also understand that people do horrible things to each other during wars. And yes, personal accounts always make things more real, so I understand that a few stories are necessary. So I was fine during accounts of kids getting sick and not having medicine. Of having to leave sick and elderly parents along the road while you try to flee, or eating clothes when there is no other food. I was even ok with the story of the mom whose child starved to death in her arms because she didn't have any milk for him. But she went one further, and I'm not even going to type it because then I'd just be putting that horrible image in other people's minds, if you want to know what it was read the book.
Anyway, the whole chapter just reminded me what I sometimes forget every now and then. Kids don't really need all the extra crap that we get for them. Really they just need 1. food 2. shelter (and clothing) 3. love. All the rest is just bonus. I generally try to be reasonable, and I'm not trying to make Babes' childhood the best ever, I just want her to be well loved, healthy and reasonably stimulated. When she gets older I want her to be able to provide for herself, be well loved, and enjoy what she does. But I occasionally do freak out that she is eating from cups that have some random possibly bad for you ingredient in the plastic, or ponder for hours whether or not she should start drinking cows milk because of the hormones.... And then I read something that really makes me thankful that I even have these choices. I am so thankful that I have always been able to give Babes enough milk or food or whatever, and that I have not had to make a choice between her or me. I do not have to try to hide her, or worry about bad people finding her. I can spend all of my energy just giving her love. How wonderful is that?

Jim Henson

I've been thinking a lot about Jim Henson lately. Babes and I have recently started watching The Muppet Show on a semi regular basis and I can't help but think back to my own child hood days watching Kermit, Ms. Piggy, and Fozzie. The magic surrounding these characters is so strong that even though I know that they are muppets, when I'm watching I think of them as real. While watching with my daughter I often try to imagine the muppeteers behind the scenes, and figure out what they must be doing, but I can't. I have occasionally watched the behind the scenes footage of the muppet movies, or the muppet show, and it seems somehow incongruous to me that these characters are not animate.
I have picked up and watched several of Jim Henson's movies since I graduated college, and most of them are even more interesting to me now as an adult than they were when I was a child. The sheer magic of his worlds and the size of the worlds is amazing. How much imagination did this man have? Even just watching The Muppet Show you have to admit the man had some imagination. How did he think of all of those muppets? I would never have thought to put some eyes in the middle of a slinky and dance it around to music on television. But it works, and it holds the attention of my dog and one year old daughter. On top of that it can be pretty funny.
I can't help but wonder where his imagination would have led him if he had lived. What new worlds lay untapped in the depths of his mind that will never be discovered. People always say that they remember exactly where they were when they heard the news that John Lenin was dead. I was thinking about it today and I realized that I can remember exactly what I was doing when someone told me that Jim Henson died. I think I can even tell you who told me. Funny how someone that you never knew can make such a big impression on your life. But to be honest, before I fell in love with Harrison Ford, or Christopher Reeve, I loved Kermit the Frog.

Music soothes the savage beast... or baby

Today Babes has had such an issue falling asleep and staying asleep. All day today (and yesterday too) she has been going down for her naps like usual, and then five minutes later up and screaming. If she sleeps at all it's for maybe 20 minutes and then up and screaming. I've been resisting her desire to go back to the quickie naps... I just can't go back. Having tasted the delicious freedom of the 2 hour nap I refuse to be relegated back to the days where I have time to run to the bathroom, eat, or check my email, but not more than one of those. The two hour nap was so peaceful. I could make a sandwich, go to the bathroom, AND watch a minute or two of television before Babes would wake up. Oh blessed peace! Why have you forsaken me!
Tonight she tried the I'm waking up after five minutes, and then wouldn't lay back down in her crib. So I brought out the big guns. First I tried the glo-worm but she was sitting back up every 30 seconds or so to make it play more music. Then I brought out our Creative Zen! I popped some batteries in it, put on some instrumental music, and there she is, out like a light. I only hope this continues once the batteries die....

Getting tired

You know I think I hit a point, maybe two weeks ago, where I no longer want to be overseas. Yesterday, was just another fine example of why it's sometimes irritating to be overseas... I was walking Brick (the dog we are dog sitting) and it seemed like every idiot in a car had to drive by, honk, and say something. Of course, most people were speaking Azeri (which I don't speak at all), some people were speaking Russian (which I sometimes understand) but no one was speaking English (which is understandable why would they). At first, I was amused, ha ha blow your horn at the pedestrian. Then after like the third or fourth car I got worried. What if they were trying to tell me something. I checked Brick, who seemed fine, then I looked at Babes (who was on my back in her Ergo carrier) in several car windows, and she seemed fine, and I checked out myself and the surroundings, and I didn't see any obvious dangers, what was it, I wondered. Then two cars in a row passed by honking their horns and barking, and I realized it was just what happens when there are too many guys running around without women to make them grow up. These weren't teenagers passing me, they were grown men. I mean seriously guys. You're supposed to outgrow this by the time you are 25 or so.
Yes, in the US you still have these things, but at least there, I will usually understand what they are saying, and if I feel like it, I can shout a few choice phrases back. I really wish that I had succeeded in teaching Honey to bark on command because I would love to send her amongst a group of boys, who are barking at her, barking wildly and running at full speed. It's hilarious to watch the then macho acting boys run for their mommies. *SIGH* Oh well, perhaps it's for the best.

Lost in Translation

You know I completely forgot about this experience until today while I was looking on the Bark! the dog photographer's website... While I was in Moscow I happened to look over and saw two women walking towards the red square beside us. One of the women was some sort of (amateur?) photographer and the other was clearly some sort of model wannabe (you know, stick thin, not enough clothes for the weather). I didn't notice all this at first, in fact, the only reason I looked up because the woman with the camera gestured to me and asked (in Russian) Can I? or maybe Can You? I thought she wanted me to take a picture of her and the other woman, but then she put the camera to her eye, so then I thought she wanted to take a picture of Babes. Which I have no problem with, I'm not sure if I should or not, but lots of people like taking pictures of Babes, I mean after all she is the cutest baby in the whole wide world. And I always prefer when people ask me as opposed to sneaking pictures in with their phones (YES I SEE YOU!). BUT NO. This woman wanted me to keep walking and pushing Babes up the hill. I am super curious what kind of pictures she took, and for what reason. I am sure I was looking mean, after all it was cold, the child was crying or complaining, and I probably also looked suspicious. I wonder if she published them somewhere or if they are just on a blog or in a photo album as strange things I saw in Moscow. Unfortunately I'll never know.