6 years

Has it been 6 years already?  Yes, I actually know it has been.  The time goes by so fast, but then that is a lie.  The minutes, the hours that I've had with you, my darling daughter, have ticked by in my heart.  I count every heart beat, yours and mine.  I know what they mean, each second, each heart beat- it's here now, but in a moment it will be a memory, and then it's gone.  When I look back in my heart to that first year the minutes still seem to last an eternity.  I learned so much, that first year, and little did I know, but you would not change nearly as much as I have.  I mean, yes, you are bigger, you are stronger, you are more capable.  You've gone from a tiny creature that could not eat by herself, to a kid who can get herself together in the mornings with such little help from me.  But so many things that I learned about you in that first year still hold true.  You love snuggles, you are serious about eating, you don't liked to be constrained, you WILL figure this out, and you're so happy most of the time.  I, however, am nothing like the girl I was before you came to me.  I have become a snuggler, I am more serious about all things, I think less about myself but always about you, I no longer want a career or even a job other than to watch you grow, I cry more, I can't read suspenseful novels or watch movies where kids are in danger, and I love pink and frills and flowers just because you love them.
I have loved watching you grow.  It is a hard thing, being a mom, I know that you have to do all these things.  That I must give you space in order for you to grow, but I want nothing more than to hold you all the tighter as you move away from me.  I'm sorry if you think I never let you do things, but I want to spare you all the mistakes that I made, even though I know that those mistakes, those tears, paved the way for me to become who I am. 
Know that I am here for you, little one, know that I love you, and that we'll continue to grow together.  I look forward to not only who you are going to become, but to who you are going to make me into.  Happy 6th birthday, Babes, may you have 200 more! 

walking in Wuhan

Walking in Wuhan with Babes during Chinese New Year

Baking with Babes

With Babes off school we have had tons of time to hang out and bake together.  She's big enough now that she can actually be of help with baking and it's actually help and not just mess.  So last week we baked.
I have been wanting a Cherry pie now for AGES!  But for whatever reason Cherries in China are crazy expensive, so no pie for us.  BUT I finally found some that were not so bad, ok the price was not bad, but the cherries looked horrible (I had to do a lot of careful picking to get a pretty flat pie).  It turned out so well, that I might have to bake an Apple pie next.

As an added bonus we also made some brioche, because a day of baking is not complete without making some bread.  It was actually pretty easy to make (I LOVE my kitchenaid!), we made it with raisins and cranberries so it's a little sweet, but just a little.  It's great with my morning cuppa tea.

Fun with Babes

Hey, I missed my Walking in Wuhan this week.  I've been home all week with Babes who is out of school and we've been watching movies, baking, knitting (well, I've been knitting), having fancy tea parties, going out to breakfast, and just generally having fun.  I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed going places with her, and also how challenging it has gotten to keep her amused for longer than a couple of hours at a time (I personally think this is why they invented preschool).
We've been listening to Terry Pratchett's The Wee Free Men,  it's a hilariously funny book (audiobook for us) about 9 year old Tiffany Aching and her adventures with the Nac Mac Feegle (or the wee free folk) against a fairy queen.  I think it's a little advanced for Babes, but mostly because the narrator speaks really fast and the Nac Mac Feegle tend to speak funny.  But with slow going and lots of stopping I think she's getting as much out of it as she got out of Matilda by Roald Dahl (which was also a wee bit over her head, but she seemed to understand most of what was going on and seemed to really enjoy the book).
By the way Happy Valentine's Day to you all.  This was actually the first time I've celebrated Valentine's day in awhile.  I mostly think on it as a way to sell more flowers and candy, so we usually don't do anything, but Babes was so excited by the prospect of a day devoted to love that we had to celebrate it.  So we did what any self respecting princess in training would do.... we had a tea party:

Babe's Room

I don't normally post our home details, but I am actually quite proud of the way Babes' room turned out.  Her room is normally the first room I tackle in an effort to help her feel settled in as soon as possible, but with furniture deliveries, and things arriving from here and there and everywhere it was not possible for me to put her room together until just recently.

Anyway, her room is basically pictures and wall stickers, butterflies and flowers - because she's so girly.  I made the quilt on her bed many years ago (and I will probably NEVER make another quilt again) and most of the rest of the stuff is either hand me down pictures, or stuff we picked up at Ikea.  Looking at the pictures, I should probably paint the letters for her name some color other than white, we always have white walls, and you can never really see those letters.

Purim

This past weekend was Purim.  In an effort to expose Babes to all of her heritage her dad makes sure to do something on all of the big holidays.  Not being Jewish myself, so I don't have a Purim cookie recipe passed down to me, I did a web search and found a great tutorial here on the cupcake project.  The cookies turned out great, I halved the recipe since there are only four of us and Honeydog doesn't eat cookies. 
Babes had a great time making the cookies, dressing up like Queen Esther (we even watched the veggie tales version of the story) and of course, we had cookies for dinner (shhhh... don't tell my mamma!).

Thank you Disney!

As a mother of a daughter I read a lot about the evils of Disney.  How the princess thing is destroying feminism and setting us all back... etc...
BUT has anyone stopped to think about the good messages Disney is sending to our little ones?  One of my favorite Disney movies for teaching Babes the importance of intimacy is the The Princess and the Frog.  (No, I do NOT use the word intimacy with my 4 year old).  In the Disney version of this story Tiana (our heroine) gives a frog a kiss, and what happens, she turns into a frog!



 At this point I turn to Babes and tell her, "you know you have to be careful who you kiss, if you kiss a frog, you'll turn into a frog".  And this has been a good starting point for a discussion (that a 4 yr old can understand) about being careful who you hang out with.  It has also led to discussions about kissing, and being in love with the person you kiss.
I know it's early to start this discussion, BUT, I'm trying to plant these seeds early so that when she gets older and begins to think about these things they are in the back of her mind.  I *hope* that I do not get up on a religious high road and start teaching her abstinence, which is what I was taught.  Abstinence is a beautiful theory, but when you're a teenager and you're faced with the choices of have sex with whomever and whenever, or ABSTAIN OR DIE! ... well...  yeah.  I'd like for her to have a third choice... wait for someone worth waiting for (and hopefully she won't be a teenager when "someone" shows up).
Here are some other great conversations starters from other Disney Movies:
Beauty and the Beast - Don't judge a person by how he/she looks on the outside
Tangled - Don't let someone tell you what you can't do AND you sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone
Finding Nemo - See what happens when you don't listen to your parents?
The Princess and the Frog - You have to work hard to get what you want (also you have to balance hard work with family and life)
Also, if Babes ever asks me what it's like to fall in love I'm going to point her to the final waltz scene in Enchanted.  

I think the dance scene is one of the best video descriptions of what it's like to fall in love.... The initial wonder of a touch, the first few timid steps, then slowly the crowd falls away and it's just the two of you, and the unrestrained joy of the dance.... 

On the plane with Babes

My child is a professional traveler.  No, she's not on the plane every week, or even every month, but at least several times a year we are flying somewhere, and at least once a year the flight is over 8 hours.  I'm sure I've said this before, Mr. Business Man, but my child and I are NOT going to hold you up for your flight, so no cuts!  At 4 1/2 my child can get off her own shoes, and coat and put them in those stupid plastic bins for x-ray.  I have been doing these flights often enough that I have packed our carry-ons strategically so that I can pull out the liquids (of which we usually only have the minimal amount, I carry an empty water bottle until we get through security, but there's sanitizer, lotion, chapstick...) the computer, AND get my own shoes off and through security faster than Mr. Business Man and his stupid laptop and expensive shoes. 
But that's besides the point (sorry for the rant).  Tips for flying on the plane with a 3-5 year old girl (I imagine these tips will work for a boy too, but the toys will be VASTLY different). 

From Blogger Pictures

I ALWAYS pack Babes her own carry on bag.  She has a back pack with wheels, that's just the right height for her to pull.  This makes her feel grown up, because she's got a bag like mommy's AND it's got most of her toys in it.  This way it's separate from my stuff and she's got it in her control.  It's usually a surprise what's in it.  When she was younger it was always new toys and books, but now we have a closet shelf of toys that are only brought out for plane rides. 
In the picture are: a magnetic dress up set (about the size of a book), a coloring book and color set from target, play doh, woodkins (another dress up but with actual cloth), a read along book, sansa shaker (an MP3 player that she can operate by herself loaded up with books, and her music), child sized head phones (this is important even if you don't bring an MP3 player because the plane headphones will just fall off), coloring books, books to read, colors, stickers, strawberry shortcake and my little pony.  I also made her a notebook, with coloring pages, and letter practice pages, and places for her to put stickers, and a few games that we could do together.  Not pictured but also useful is a playmat which gives the ponies and Strawberry a place to live.  We've also had a lot of use out of magnetic paper dolls, but as you can see my child REALLY likes dress up. 

At the airport, don't let your child sit down.  The temptation is there, you're waiting with a bunch of other adults, everyone is sitting and quiet, you want your kid sitting and quiet too.  DON'T DO IT.  Get up and walk, make your child walk, if you need to sit try to send your kid on quiet, but purposeful runs (ie throw this out, or hey what's that on the wall over there, Oh can you see the plane out that window) or try the mommy says game (it's like Simon says, but easier if your child is not there yet-"Mommy says, touch the ground, Mommy says jump").  Your kid is going to be strapped down on the plane for at least the first hour of the trip so you want to get as much wiggle out as humanly possible (I know for some kids this is not possible but it will make the beginning of the plane ride at least a tiny bit easier, and every little bit counts).

Pack a few snacks, we almost never use them, but they are good for unexpected delays and if their ears get stopped up on take off and landing.  I usually also carry extra toys and books in my carry on in case the surprise toys are not cutting it.
Pack extra clothes-it's always better to have them and not need them than need them and not have them.  Kids are messy, and things happen. 
A pillow and a blanket can also be useful but I haven't packed one in awhile, we've just been using the ones on the plane.  

You can also adapt some of the kids games for plane travel. We have a dice game and a couple of card games that travel really well.  And I made a travel spinner for our silly faces game and put the rest of it in a folder and that traveled well too.

I'm a big kid now (or make things easier on yourself)

There's a lot out there on the internet about kid proofing your house, but not nearly as much about making your kid more independent in your home.  I put a lot of thought into making things very accessible for her so that she can do many things by herself.  None of it's perfect, and I don't think any of it is original, but I thought I would share because sometimes its good to have inspiration.  And I also know that sometimes I won't think of teaching Babes something until someone mentions it (like it only recently occurred to me that she might want to learn how to tie shoes).
Anyway, the biggest place you can help yourself out is the bathroom.  Babes potty trained at two (I can't give potty training tips because she basically trained herself, she HATES to be dirty) and I cursed myself for doing it because every hour or so I was running into the bathroom to lift her on the potty, and hold her up to wash her hands.  I eventually ended up putting in two stools, a short one so that she could climb on the potty herself, and a bigger one so that she could reach the sink to wash her hands.  Add to that a towel with a topper so that she can't pull it off the rack and after a while I only needed to spot check to make sure she was cleaning herself and washing her hands well.  I also added a hook at child height so that when she's done with her bath in the evening she can hang up her own towel. 

From Blogger Pictures

In her room, I started off by making sure that she could reach all the drawers with her clothes in them.  Which is actually not that hard since her clothes are so little that she really only needs two drawers.  We used to fight about what she could wear (starting at two WTF?) so now she generally picks out her own clothes (starting around 3).  I try to keep things in sets so that she knows what goes together and only seasonal clothes at her reach. In her closet I took a shower curtain rod and hung it at Babes' height so that she could hang up her own clothes, so whenever she takes off a jacket or a dress she's supposed to hang it up herself (it takes some teaching, putting clothes on a hanger is not intuitive).

From Blogger Pictures

  We also bought her (well actually my Mom bought her) a my Tot Clock, it has a face that changes colors and she knows that when it's blue it's night time and time to stay in bed, but when it turns yellow she can come out and get us because it's morning time.  It worked really well for Babes (I have recommended it to friends and it works for some like a miracle, but not as well for others).
In the kitchen and dining room, there aren't too many things.  I am thinking about making a shelf easily accessible that has snacks and cups, but I haven't done it.  She has just started being able to go into the fridge and get her own tiny oranges and peel them herself which is fabulous.  The only thing I would recommend is a really tall stool so that she can help out with the cooking.  With the very tall stool she can see into the bowls and really see what's going on.  But I only let her stand on it while I'm next to her, it's really tall.

From Blogger Pictures

The other thing is a booster seat for the dining room chairs.  Once again it brings her to a proper height for using forks, knives and spoons and reaching cups and having conversations. 

From Blogger Pictures

Well, that's all the tips I've got?  Do you have something that makes things easier for you? Let me know I'm always looking for tips.

Audis and inside jokes

I HATE BLACK AUDIS.
I don't know why, but some of the worst offenders of traffic laws and the laws of physics are drivers of Black Audis.  Actually, that's not true, I do know why.  People (in China and in other places in the world too) who drive black Audis are generally either government officials, or have way too much money.  Both conditions give the driver a license to be a jerk.  If a car is driving the wrong way down a one way street it is more often than not a black Audi (or a cab driver, but that's a whole nother story).  A black Audi will not stop, it will run you down and keep on going.  A couple of days ago, I saw an Audi parked across a whole lane of traffic.  At first I thought he was trying to park, you know angle himself against traffic, to back into a sidewalk parking space, but as I got closer I realized that there was no one in the car.  I doubt it was an accident because I didn't see any other cars (or drivers) no shattered glass on the pavement.. No this car was just parked across a lane of traffic because he could.  *sigh* I used to think Audis were cool cars too, now just looking at them makes me mad.

But, lest you think that I am all road rage.... Babes and I have an inside joke.  We've had them before, but I think this is the first time that she really realizes that it's an inside joke.  I'm going to let you guys in, but you can't tell her...  It's from Megamind (one of my favorite movies now) nothing special, just the way he says hello, he says "ollo"  Now whenever Babes thinks I'm not smiling enough she pops her little head up and says "ollo".  And I have to say, it always works.  And the opposite works too, if she's being mopey for no reason and I pull a long face and say "ollo" she breaks out into the biggest smile.
It's like I told my brother, one of the best things about having kids is having someone to back you up in your craziness.  I think the best example of this (last random story I swear) happened when Babes was
not even 3.  We were in my sister's car and she took an off ramp a little too fast.  I grabbed the oh s**t handle of the car with both hands and screamed "ooh noooo!"  and from the back seat my little girl chimed in "we're all gonna die!"  I've never been so proud. 

So I thought I was doing something

I have been so smug and proud of myself this year. I thought that I was making healthier choices because I generally walk or take the bus where I want to go. Most of the time I walk with Babes so we walk, and we walk, and we walk. When we go to the store it's a 45 min walk. Walking to the bus stop is 10 min. Walking to friend's houses from the bus stop 15 min or more. I thought I was getting TONS of work outs. But no. Since Babes has been going to school I've been walking by myself at regular speed. It turns out that the store 45 min with Babes - 10 min tops by myself. The bus stop is just a hop skip and a jump away, and it really is faster to just walk to the grocery store than to get on a bus.
I knew Babes had little legs and likes to walk slow, but I didn't know HOW much she was slowing me down. And let me just tell you, it's not usually a pleasant 45 min. to the store, it's a grueling drag on my patience and arm. Because after about 20 min the rest of the time is spent dragging a whining child who doesn't really want to walk anymore, so I get to the store/home/wherever wiped out and irritated.
However, this explains why I haven't really lost any weight. I'm not really exercising, just taxing my patience. Ah well, it's worth it not to have to drag a stroller around.

Spanking

Yeah I spank! It's weird that this has become almost a dirty little secret. That people who spank are seen taking the easy way, or are being mean to their kids, or are just ignorant. BUT once I admit to it almost all parents have smacked a butt or two in their day. They are often ashamed, or taken by surprise, or... I don't know. I always knew that I wanted to use spanking as an option for my kid. Before she was born, and as she approached the age where I started to think about discipline I did a lot of thinking, reading, and observing. So when it came down to it I had already decided when I was going to use spanking (in theory). Spanking is not the automatic punishment, nor is it the last resort (I don't know what the last resort is, thankfully I haven't had to go beyond a booty smack). I use a plethora of punishments, when necessary, but frankly Babes is a good kid, most of the time I just need to stay within our set boundaries and she's pretty obedient. It's annoying, but I follow up, almost every single time. So if I say, Babes pick up your toys, and she doesn't I don't just let it be, I walk over and engage. I'm not afraid to cause a scene either. If we have to discipline in public so be it (granted I haven't had to spank her in public, usually interrupting whatever it is that she's doing is usually enough to get her attention). She screams and shouts, and if we have to we'll leave the store only to go back when she's calm again. When I do have to spank it is usually because she is testing the waters and we have been through the other punishments and they have failed, OR I have caught her getting ready to play in the outlet. If she is spanked she usually knows why she got a swift smack to the bum.

I have to say I don't regret it. Yes, there are all those studies that say kids who are spanked hit more, are not as smart, are emotionally disturbed, become sexual sadists, etc etc. But I have determined after reading a bunch of stuff on the web and in books that "the experts" don't know jack. Today they say that kids should be breastfed, yesterday kids should be fed formula, tomorrow maybe they won't have milk at all they'll just start drinking juice from birth. One expert says your kids should sleep in your bed, another says they should sleep in their own crib not anywhere near you. The fact of the matter is that it is your kid, you have to do what works for you. Spanking may not work for your kid, just like time outs don't work for everyone. You have to figure out what your kid is like and what works for you and your family. Like I figured out what works for me and my family. There are no short cuts, parenting is a hard uphill slog through thick slippery mud where you've just lost your map and can't figure out if you've already been this way or not and you're really not sure where you are going you just know that you have to keep going.

Just so you know, as I was leaving the states I heard a report on CNN that said that spanking your kids (under the age of six) could possibly raise their IQ a few points. How's that for mixed messages.

Naked Booty!

At home all day with a baby I usually end up making up songs for activities that do not already have songs to go with them. For instance, you know the oldie but goody "this is the way we wash our face" well I have added to that, the Dirty Diaper song (to the tune of the Indiana Jones theme) and Naked Booty (to the tune of Are You Sleeping). For whatever reason the Naked Booty song has taken off with Babes. At any given time she can launch into a rendition of "Naked Booty Naked Booty Naked BUTT! Naked BUTT!" I personally think that she is adorable singing it especially because she emphasizes the "BUTT!" And naked comes out like Nakey. But my mom is horrified. She thinks that Zora will be kicked out of preschool (even though she is not yet two and there is still a whole year before she will get to school, which in my opinion is plenty of time to forget an undesirable song) or that we will be in church and she will start singing that. Which still won't embarrass me because we sing the song at bath time to get out of all the clothes so there is nothing wrong with it.
Although yesterday in the car she just started shrieking NAKED BUTT! for no reason at all. I might be a little embarrassed by that.

on the home front

We are at my parent's house, settled in for the long haul. Well, it's not actually that long. We have less than a month left, probably closer to two weeks now. But it's been good. Babes is enjoying spending time with her Big Mama and Popop. She has really taken to my mom. Sometimes it seems like she leaps out of my arms to get to her. Strangely enough, I don't feel jealous. I used to get a twisted sort of satisfaction when Babes wouldn't go to anybody but me, but now I'm actually glad that she will go to other people. It is still twistedly satisfying when she leaves everyone else to come back to me, but I think I'm growing! I definitely don't want to be one of those mothers that smothers her child. Or won't let them do anything that they didn't pick for them.
But it is different being at home with a baby. First of all, I am not staying up late. As I was telling my parents my alarm clock doesn't have a snooze button. So any time I stay up late I suffer the next morning. Sad to say, but I'm in bed by ten or eleven every night. That means, however, that I am up the next morning before eight. I remember the days when I was home before and I would want to get up to watch Charmed, but would almost never make it up before E.R. came on at 10. Not anymore! I am often up and have had breakfast before Charmed comes on at 8. Not that I watch it, because it's hard to watch TV and keep an eye on a little one who has learned to climb stairs.
My parents are also doing a very good job of staying out of it. They let me do what I feel is necessary for Babes, and don't try to give me a lot of extra advice. I really appreciate it because I know it's hard. But their restraint makes my coming home much easier. If they were constantly telling me this or that I don't know if I'd want to come home as often as I do.
I love my family.

Behind Enemy Lines

So this weekend I am visiting my in-laws... by myself. I volunteered to do this because my mother used to do it with us, so I figured that I could do it too. (Truth be told I didn't think my husband would take me up on it, but once it was out there it was too late to take back) I have been worrying over this for months. Ever since I agreed/volunteered to do it I have been fretting and grumping. When it finally came down to it, only sheer stubborness got me in the car and going. I remember too well the months of visiting that we did where I was little better than a houseplant or a chair for all people noticed me. In the past I was never spoken directly to and most conversations took place in Russian, even when I was sitting at the dinner table. I endured.
I am here now, and I have been pleasantly surprised the whole trip. His parents have been friendly I have had whole conversations with them - in English! I think it has actually gone better this time than it usually goes with him here. Usually I let him talk and I try to stay out of the way so that he can bond, but without him here, there is no one to do the talking for the family except for me. So I have been forced to talk and to share.
I didn't expect it to be this way, but I wouldn't mind coming back again by myself, and possibly even staying longer. I took a leap of faith when I came here and was richly rewarded. God is good.

It's all over now!

Ah, Babes has finally taken her first steps! I thought they would have come sooner so I was all psyched up for the ride, only to wait for WEEKS past the time when I thought they would come. Only now that they are here, I'M SCARED! I can already see that walking is going to be MUCH faster than crawling, even though the little crawler was FAST! Which means there's that much more destruction to get into. *SIGH* now that she's taken those steps maybe I should just start carrying her around from now on.