Thanxmas

My brother is deploying (*AGAIN!*) to Iraq sometime late November, maybe early December so he is once again going to miss the holidays. So this past weekend my family rolled Thanksgiving and Christmas into one big holiday called Thanxmas. We borrowed an artificial tree decorated the inside of the house, and bought some inexpensive gifts for everyone, except my brother and his wife who received real holiday presents. I bought all the old holiday movies, Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving and Christmas, Rudolph, Frosty, etc. Add to that some holiday music and a Thanksgiving feast and you really do feel like you've just celebrated Christmas. I went to the store and thought to myself "why is this store open on.... oh wait, it is not Thanksgiving or Christmas!"
All in all it was a fun time. Babes really enjoyed the opening of presents and I think my brother and sister had a good time too. It wasn't until I was leaving that I realized that this would probably be the last time that I would see my brother before he deployed. Which was probably good because then I would have been sad. Luckily I was able to forget about it until it was too late to ruin everything.
Happy Thanxmas Everyone!

Catching up!

So I've been through my first adult Halloween. I have to say it was very weird handing out candy to all the little ones. The first couple of "customers" were wee little ones who weren't entirely sure what to make of the whole thing. Their parents shoved them up to the door then told to say "trick or treat" which sometimes they did and sometimes they didn't, and then I gave out some candy and posed while pictures were taken then there was a kind of awkward moment while we tried to figure out what to do. I was waiting for them to leave so I could close the door, I don't know what they were waiting for, probably for me to make some sort of "oh how cute" comment (it wasn't until the third or fourth child that I realized I should make some sort of banter) or maybe they weren't sure what to do themselves. With the older kids it wasn't a problem, they were basically trying to hit as many houses as they could before it was too late so they grabbed candy and ran. All in all it's very interesting being on the other side of the door.
Also, we've elected our first black president! Can you believe it?!?!?! I seriously did not think people would be able to vote for a black man, but apparently messing with your money pisses people off to the point where they don't care about skin color. I am very proud of my country.
I just got back from Columbus visiting my grandparents with my mom. My grandfather seems to be holding his own against Alzheimer's although I can tell that he is slowly losing the fight. It's a horrible way to go, although I suppose he's not in pain (although maybe he is but can't tell us) so I guess it's not horrible. I often wonder about what goes on inside of someone who has Alzheimer's. Is he trapped behind a wall but is still seeing and hearing like in the old days, but can't make us understand. Or is it truly like what we see and the brain goes away piece by piece. Is this a case where quantity is better than quality or should we think about quality instead of quantity.
Anyway, we are off this weekend to celebrate Thanksmas for my brother who is deploying soon. Since we are not sure if he will be home for Thanksgiving or Christmas we are combining them into one big holiday this weekend. I bought the Christmas specials and we've got decorations up, there are presents, and feasts planned. I hope to take tons of pictures and hope this will be the best Thanksmas EVER!

My Own Name

So I was perusing the internet the other day and I came across a post on Her Bad Mother where she is stopped at the border because she and her child do not share the same last name. And she started to wonder if she should change her last name. It made me start to think about my decision not to change my last name. When we got married I always assumed that I would be a career woman. Keeping my last name, the name that all my degrees were in, keeping my own separate professional identity was very important to me. I also am very proud of my last name, it is the name of my father, his father, and his father before that. My dad once told me, and it is the same thing that his dad told him, that the only thing he had to give was his name, it came to him unblemished, and he is giving it to me unblemished and that's the way I should keep it.
I have had many identity issues in my life. I wanted to be blond. I wanted a different first name. I may have even wanted to be a boy (you know the running, jumping, not having to wear skirts!). But I have always been attached to my last name. My last name has always been an essential part of who I am.
Now that I am actually an adult and living my life... and I am not the professional woman that I wanted to be, I am actually clinging harder to my last name. As a spouse in the foreign service I do not have my own identity. I am " 's wife" Whenever I go anywhere or need anything done I don't use my name or status it is all under his information. Maybe it's silly, but keeping my last name reminds me, if no one else, that I am my own person. I have my own talents. I am separate from my husband, intelligent, and accomplished. Perhaps someday soon I will find a way to remind everyone else too.

Not in Season

As the weather gets colder and we move further into fall I have definitely decided that I am not a seasonal person. I am perfectly happy with an endless summer, or maybe even a summer with a brief rainy period in between. I am always mad when the irrefutable proof of summer's end approaches. In the last few weeks I have been cursing at the leaves as they change colors. Don't get me wrong, I think the changing leaves are pretty, but the accompanying cold weather is no good.
It is times like this that I REALLY miss California and wonder why it was that I left. Yes, I know, I am having lots of fun adventures that I could NEVER have in CA but as winter approaches I will wonder more and more if it is actually worth it.

Old Friends

So we went this weekend to see an old college friend of mine. It's been some time since I've seen him, and I definitely have not seen him since he married. The difference in him is remarkable and I could kill the girlfriend that he had in high school/college. The boy I knew did not smile as often as the married man, was not as comfortable in his own skin. I remember how much I worked to draw him out of his shell so that he felt comfortable enough to be a little silly, and now he is silly with his baby, easy with his smiles, and a lot more confident. It's amazing what a difference the right person can make. I figured this out for myself, and it seems as if he figured this out too, but I wish I could share this with others. Love should not make you miserable, or keep you locked in your room, or even make you mean and witchy. Love should make you happier (most of the time, sometimes it will frustrate you and make you angry, but that's normal you are after all dealing with people) more confident, and possibly even nicer.
Mary Rose, wherever you are, I do not wish you well!

Hair

So I've been all natural and free, hairwise, for about the two months. Not by choice. I've been trying to do something different with my hair. I don't want to put in a relaxer, dreadlocks, or braids, but then that leaves me fairly limited on what I can do. Cutting out those options and you eliminate most black salons. So I was going to try out this salon that my aunt recommended so I was willing to wait. BUT the first time I showed up they did not have my rescheduled appointment, this time I wisely called before I left and they didn't have the products for my hair AND they seemed surprised when I didn't want to come in, what pay $100 for something I didn't want? I thought it was a professional shop. I am SO glad they did not take my credit card because if they charged me today for canceling my appointment on short notice because they didn't have the products for my hair, I would be HIGHLY TICKED OFF! As it is I'm annoyed. What kind of place is this that regularly runs out of the products that they are selling?
Why can't I find a decent hair shop? You know I'm a middle class black woman, I don't live in the hood, why should I have to go there to get my hair done? Why do I have to suffer through missed appointments, or wait for three hours even when I have an appointment, we're not talking about doctors here, we're talking about hair stylists, and most of them are of just average quality. Why do we, middle class black women, put up with this? We have jobs, our time is valuable, where is the shop that caters to us?

Indoor fun

With the weather being all crap and I, myself, being sick. Babes and I have been forced to come up with some indoor fun (contrast this to Baku when we NEVER left the house). I discovered one of those spikey rubber balls at Target for a dollar! I have managed to wear out my child with minimal effort on my part. First of all, she can't throw forward so 4 times out of 5 she has to run after the ball herself because she has thrown it behind her (she learned the same lesson Honey did: Momma doesn't chase balls!). Then if I throw the ball to her she can't really catch so she is still sort of chasing. It's great!

Not the suburbs.... NOOOooooooooo

So we are living WAY out in the Virginia suburbs and we are thinking about buying a house/townhouse out here. Being a recent convert to city living I have been dragging my feet. After all, when you live in the city you can *gasp* walk to the store, or catch a ride on the bus or subway to where you want to go. In the suburbs you mostly have to drive. Which is fine, but with gas prices going crazy limiting yourself to one car makes more and more sense. Plus most of the livable areas in DC or Arlington seem just perfect for the way that I would want my life to be.
So imagine my surprise today when I was out walking the dog and Babes when I actually started to like the neighborhoods that I've been walking around in. It seems that years of growing up in the suburbs can take over just like that *SNAP!* once you have a baby. But I guess, the neighborhoods WAY out here are more like the idea that I had when I was a kid about what I would have when I grew up. *SIGH* I just don't like it. I don't want to be so far away from everything that I don't know what is going on in my own city. I don't want to drive through the neighborhood so fast everyday that I have no idea who my neighbors are. .... but the houses are so nice, they have yards, and fences, and *GASP* trees!
What is a city convert to do?

a moment of quiet

Ah blessed naptime! I think we have started the terrible two's. I don't know why people call them that when they start WAY before your child even turns two. Although I have to say that a lot of what I learned when training Honey applies to dealing with Babes. 1. Burn off the energy. 2. Make sure she gets lots of sleep. and 3. Patience!
I didn't actually think Babes would need another nap today, but she has been fighting me every step of the way since she woke up from her nap. Finally I just couldn't take it anymore and I put her to bed. Hopefully she will wake up her normal cheerful more obedient self.

Long time no....

So we are finally settled into our apartment in the DC area and we are back to living semi-normal lives again. We even bought our first new car! It's exciting and not exciting all at the same time. It's exciting because it's a new car! WOOOOOO!!!!! But it's a sensible mom-mobile. We just bought a Toyota RAV-4 which is cute, sensible has lots of room, and easy to drive. BUT! In the car I TOTALLY feel like a mom. Sometimes I can pretend that I'm still young and carefree but driving a RAV-4 nope I'm a mommy. There's just so much space back there, and add to it the cheerios in my pocket and the kid songs on the radio and there's no denying it. *SIGH*
On the other hand, we are in DC and it is SO Much easier to get out of the house. There are places to go where we don't have to spend money... Like parks, the zoo, museums, or even the mall or a mall. Babes and I have just spent the last three days riding around in the metro which is LOADS of fun! She gets so excited when the trains come and riding the escalator! Lots of "oOH!s" and "aAH!s" and that 1 1/2 year old exclamation that I couldn't write out if I tried. Starting next week we are going to try to go somewhere new every week until we leave. Wish me luck!

Made it out!

*Deep breath!* AH! It is good to be back in the good old US of A! There is no traffic rumbling outside my window, I can hear the television without having it turned up to ungodly levels and I can walk outside without fear of being run down on the side walk (I can even walk in the street in my parent's neighborhood without fear of being run down! What bliss!). If I want to go somewhere to get out of the house, there are places to go because there are stores big enough that if I just want to go and look around I can. BUT if I don't want to go to a store there are museums, parks, and community centers (not that I have EVER been to a community center but I am told they are there). OR I could go to a LIBRARY *GASP*! Although you really can't go to a library with a 16month old who loves books and loves nothing better than to pull them all off the shelf so she can look at them in one giant pile on the floor that she's sitting on top of an screaming at the top of her lungs at all the words. (Yes I know that was one really long sentence!)
Ah it's good to be back!

Only in Azerbaijan

So we were pretty sure that Honeydog had a UTI a few weeks ago, so we called up the local ex-pat animal shelter and asked for a vet. It turns out that they had opened a brand new clinic for dogs and cats very close to us. AND office visits were only 10 manat! So we packed up the circus (babes, me, V, and Honeydog) and went to see this vet.
The vet's office was in the basement of a house in a part of town under serious construction (We had to drive through a construction site to get there) but was fairly nice. The house itself must be huge because the basement had three rooms and a pool. It was fairly clean, and only smelled mildly of animal. The staff was fairly nice, but the vet and the veterinary nurse did not immediately inspire confidence in us. First of all, we arrived, the doctor came out and what impressed me most of all was his stench (yes, I know you can shower ever day but if you don't use deodorant you still smell, but WHOA!), but whatever, this is common overseas, Americans are overly fussy about smells. But then, Honeydog moves to greet the vet and he does one of those little Azeri moves where he tenses up and holds his hands out in front of himself. Now while I can't say for sure that he was afraid of dogs, I can say that he did not look comfortable handling a dog. And his nurse, well she wouldn't come anywhere near Honeydog's head. They conducted their business, although a little stiffly because it's hard to conduct a physical exam of an animal that you are not comfortable touching and gave us prescriptions and I think everything's ok, but I've got to say. Why be a vet if you are afraid of dogs?

The End is Near!

I can't believe that I have *probably* less than four weeks left here. I am always so anxious to be gone, but then when it gets right down to it, I don't actually believe I'm going until I'm already somewhere else. I guess this is the problem with ex-pat life always coming and going. But, I have so many reason to be glad that we're going. For instance, tonight, I went out for dinner with a group of mums (that's British for moms) and I spent a little more than $50, and there was only two bottles of wine! Before we would have a drunken debauchery (for an American, at least, apparently for the Brits it's only dinner) and it would have run me maybe $40. Prices are steadily going up. I know it's the same in the US, but my mind is already set for the belt tightening. And if necessary I can get cheap Chinese food or Pizza.
One thing I am going to miss though, is that everyone here loves children. I know I've written about it before, but I just can't get used to the fact that guys, boys, teens, young adults, love babies too. When I'm walking around with Zora teenage boys come up and look at her and play with her, it's just too weird. In the U.S. We would be in the group completely ignored by that age group. What have we done wrong in the US where we no longer adore children? When did it become a bad thing to breed? Why are we ok with that?

Counting down

So instead of napping, I am thinking of ways to waste time (because I've got soo much extra time) in the final few weeks we are here. I think I would like to take the camera out and snap some shots of things around Baku that we do all the time. We were supposed to do it in china, but never got around to it, and now I'm sad that we didn't... although not really. I also need to find a place to print off photos so that I can finish Zora's scrap book and put pictures from Africa in an album. I should also do Kiev and Odessa, but I know that I won't get to that before we go. But that can wait since I don't have an album for those pics anyway.
I am also trying to finish crocheting a present for a friend who is going to have a baby. This will be the first thing that I have ever made for a non-family member and I'm a little nervous. I'm also mad that I chickened out of the orange. The brown I have is so boring and not cool. Maybe I'll finish this, in enough time to make another one in the proper orange color and I'll give this one to someone else. I know three babies due in Nov/Dec so I'm sure I can find someone to give it to.
I really should go take a nap.

Naps and poo

I'm trying to figure out what the link is between naptime and poo time. For some reason lately whenever I put Babes down for a nap when she wakes up she has left me a present in her diaper. Which is not a problem except that she likes to cuddle for a little while after she wakes up so I have to sit with her all cuddled up smelling like serious stinky poo. Is it that she's all relaxed and it is therefore easier for her to get business done, or should I be waiting for her to make her presents before she goes down for a nap (except that I never know which nap is the surprise nap). Case in point, she has just woken up, is sitting on my lap very stinky, yet all cuddled up while I write this. I think she might be ready to get a new diaper. P!U!

Date night!

So Saturday night we left Babes with a baby sitter and headed out for a night on the town. (Although when I say "night" I mean evening or maybe mere three hours) And since we are leaving Azerbaijan soon (Wooo HOOO!) we decided to forgo the normal, well I guess this could be Italian food if you squint with one eye and hop on one foot cuisine and headed out to a place that served Azeri food. One of the better places to go in Baku is the Beh Beh club (I wonder what that means). We hit the one just out of town that kind of looks like a traditional house and has live performers. The building itself was very neat, I guess a traditional house looks a little like a ski lodge with a garden, all wooden and sloping roofs. Inside it was modestly decorated with candles and various kinds of Azeri copperware, dolls in native dress, and candles.
The musicians weren't bad even though they played elevator jazz (although I have to admit, that I do like elevator jazz). However, the belly dancer was... well, here's the thing. I think, I have never seen it live, that belly dancing can be sensuous and a very unique art. HOWEVER, most places when they boast having a belly dancer usually mean a stripper who is not taking off her clothes, but wearing a belly dancing costume. I keep going because I keep hoping to see tastefully done belly dancing.... but no. If I was going to have a belly dancer in a restaurant I would find someone who could dance, then have her only accompanied by a drum, a wind instrument of some kind, and maybe a tambourine. But I guess that's harder to find, it is easier to find a young woman, put her in a costume and tell her to shake her stuff to Russia's Madonna equivalent. But that's neither here nor there.
The other interesting thing was that we were there at the same time as a birthday party. There was the general feasting, and then as the night progressed some dancing. I've only seen it once before, but this is the first place I've been that has it's own unique form of dancing. Most clubs that I've been to all over the world have about the same booty shaking dances that the US has. But here the women give their wrists and hands a little flick as they stick out alternating feet with a little hop. There's almost no booty shaking going on at all. The men do something similar, except that their hands do not flick and they usually tap their foot against another male partner's foot. I wish I was better at describing or I could think of what it reminds me of. It's very interesting and looks pretty cool, and is one of the truly unique things that they have going on for them here.

No more help

So I've been back for a full week plus now and completely without help. And I have to say, I should have fired the maid sooner and hired someone else. It just goes to show you how much she irritated me that I would rather mop my own floors than have her around. Which really, if the goal of having domestic help is to make your life smoother and less hectic, do you really want someone around who is just going to make you angry when they leave?
On a different note, Huzby is out being consul. I was out at a going away party and I got called home so that he could take care of a citizen in need. I felt very wife-of-a-super-hero-ish. I was at dinner and I was totally like "I have to go! There's an American Citizen in trouble and they need.... (insert heroish music) the US CONSUL!"

Bored

I'm so bored with my own blog. I think it's mainly because I've turned into a mini-hermit here in Baku. I can't figure out why. But I can never think of anywhere to go, or work up the desire to actually go anywhere. The mere thought of leaving the house is enough to wear me out for the entire day. I know I'm supposed to take Babes out to help her explore the world, but there is really nothing here within walking distance to go to, and what there is you have to cross several streets of death to get there. So we are in the house. But I have vowed to do things differently in DC. For one I have decided NOT to put her in daycare while my husband studies Chinese. So either we get opposing Chinese class schedules or I am going to be a SAHM in the US, which I think will be infinitely harder on my ego because in the US I actually could be working at a successful career, unlike here where I'd probably be answering phones for people who wouldn't understand why I'm not thrilled to be answering their stupid phones, or why I haven't taken the Foreign Service Exam. But! Since DC is supposedly where we could end up spending a significant portion of our lives Babes and I are going to fully explore it and discover all there is to know about DC with a Toddler.... at least until it gets cold.

Back in Baku Again

So my promise to blog more while on vacation did not pan out. But I'm back in Baku and this time it's to the finish. When I leave again, I think it will be for good (unless by some small miracle we get to go to Tbilisi). I don't think I'm ready to be back though. I had planned to go to baby group this morning but when it came right down to it, I just couldn't face the idea of getting in the car and fighting my way through traffic to baby group. I haven't even been outside in the two days that I've been back. I should go out today. It's a pretty enough day that I should make the effort to get out, maybe I'll even take the dog.

on the home front

We are at my parent's house, settled in for the long haul. Well, it's not actually that long. We have less than a month left, probably closer to two weeks now. But it's been good. Babes is enjoying spending time with her Big Mama and Popop. She has really taken to my mom. Sometimes it seems like she leaps out of my arms to get to her. Strangely enough, I don't feel jealous. I used to get a twisted sort of satisfaction when Babes wouldn't go to anybody but me, but now I'm actually glad that she will go to other people. It is still twistedly satisfying when she leaves everyone else to come back to me, but I think I'm growing! I definitely don't want to be one of those mothers that smothers her child. Or won't let them do anything that they didn't pick for them.
But it is different being at home with a baby. First of all, I am not staying up late. As I was telling my parents my alarm clock doesn't have a snooze button. So any time I stay up late I suffer the next morning. Sad to say, but I'm in bed by ten or eleven every night. That means, however, that I am up the next morning before eight. I remember the days when I was home before and I would want to get up to watch Charmed, but would almost never make it up before E.R. came on at 10. Not anymore! I am often up and have had breakfast before Charmed comes on at 8. Not that I watch it, because it's hard to watch TV and keep an eye on a little one who has learned to climb stairs.
My parents are also doing a very good job of staying out of it. They let me do what I feel is necessary for Babes, and don't try to give me a lot of extra advice. I really appreciate it because I know it's hard. But their restraint makes my coming home much easier. If they were constantly telling me this or that I don't know if I'd want to come home as often as I do.
I love my family.