Friday, October 31, 2008

My Own Name

So I was perusing the internet the other day and I came across a post on Her Bad Mother where she is stopped at the border because she and her child do not share the same last name. And she started to wonder if she should change her last name. It made me start to think about my decision not to change my last name. When we got married I always assumed that I would be a career woman. Keeping my last name, the name that all my degrees were in, keeping my own separate professional identity was very important to me. I also am very proud of my last name, it is the name of my father, his father, and his father before that. My dad once told me, and it is the same thing that his dad told him, that the only thing he had to give was his name, it came to him unblemished, and he is giving it to me unblemished and that's the way I should keep it.
I have had many identity issues in my life. I wanted to be blond. I wanted a different first name. I may have even wanted to be a boy (you know the running, jumping, not having to wear skirts!). But I have always been attached to my last name. My last name has always been an essential part of who I am.
Now that I am actually an adult and living my life... and I am not the professional woman that I wanted to be, I am actually clinging harder to my last name. As a spouse in the foreign service I do not have my own identity. I am " 's wife" Whenever I go anywhere or need anything done I don't use my name or status it is all under his information. Maybe it's silly, but keeping my last name reminds me, if no one else, that I am my own person. I have my own talents. I am separate from my husband, intelligent, and accomplished. Perhaps someday soon I will find a way to remind everyone else too.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Not in Season

As the weather gets colder and we move further into fall I have definitely decided that I am not a seasonal person. I am perfectly happy with an endless summer, or maybe even a summer with a brief rainy period in between. I am always mad when the irrefutable proof of summer's end approaches. In the last few weeks I have been cursing at the leaves as they change colors. Don't get me wrong, I think the changing leaves are pretty, but the accompanying cold weather is no good.
It is times like this that I REALLY miss California and wonder why it was that I left. Yes, I know, I am having lots of fun adventures that I could NEVER have in CA but as winter approaches I will wonder more and more if it is actually worth it.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Old Friends

So we went this weekend to see an old college friend of mine. It's been some time since I've seen him, and I definitely have not seen him since he married. The difference in him is remarkable and I could kill the girlfriend that he had in high school/college. The boy I knew did not smile as often as the married man, was not as comfortable in his own skin. I remember how much I worked to draw him out of his shell so that he felt comfortable enough to be a little silly, and now he is silly with his baby, easy with his smiles, and a lot more confident. It's amazing what a difference the right person can make. I figured this out for myself, and it seems as if he figured this out too, but I wish I could share this with others. Love should not make you miserable, or keep you locked in your room, or even make you mean and witchy. Love should make you happier (most of the time, sometimes it will frustrate you and make you angry, but that's normal you are after all dealing with people) more confident, and possibly even nicer.
Mary Rose, wherever you are, I do not wish you well!

Thursday, October 09, 2008


So I've been all natural and free, hairwise, for about the two months. Not by choice. I've been trying to do something different with my hair. I don't want to put in a relaxer, dreadlocks, or braids, but then that leaves me fairly limited on what I can do. Cutting out those options and you eliminate most black salons. So I was going to try out this salon that my aunt recommended so I was willing to wait. BUT the first time I showed up they did not have my rescheduled appointment, this time I wisely called before I left and they didn't have the products for my hair AND they seemed surprised when I didn't want to come in, what pay $100 for something I didn't want? I thought it was a professional shop. I am SO glad they did not take my credit card because if they charged me today for canceling my appointment on short notice because they didn't have the products for my hair, I would be HIGHLY TICKED OFF! As it is I'm annoyed. What kind of place is this that regularly runs out of the products that they are selling?
Why can't I find a decent hair shop? You know I'm a middle class black woman, I don't live in the hood, why should I have to go there to get my hair done? Why do I have to suffer through missed appointments, or wait for three hours even when I have an appointment, we're not talking about doctors here, we're talking about hair stylists, and most of them are of just average quality. Why do we, middle class black women, put up with this? We have jobs, our time is valuable, where is the shop that caters to us?