Monday, April 07, 2008

Road Rules

So after living overseas in two different countries I have noticed some things that Americans might not know.
For instance:
1. The proper way to run across the street through traffic is to: lean forward slightly so that your head is in front. Then hold your arms stiffly to your sides but angled out slightly behind you so they look a little like wings. Finally, don't take wide steps, but shuffle quickly.
2. In your car, instead of signaling a lane change, drift slowly into the lane beside you until the car in that lane is either a) forced off the road or b) forced to slam on brakes
3. Signs, general road rules, traffic lights, those are for the other guy, not you.
4. Lanes painted on roads are purely decorative.
5. Do not spend more than 2 seconds parking your car. If it doesn't quite fit on the first try, leave it.
6. It is unnecessary to pull over to stop and let people out of your car or talk to your neighbors.
7. Major traffic maneuvers should be made while talking on the phone.
8. As soon as the light changes you should blow your horn so that the person in front of you knows that it's time to go.
9. As a pedestrian you should wear the darkest colors you own while crossing the street at night.
10. Your horn is a very important piece of car equipment, it should be as loud and obnoxious as possible.