Shy girl's guide to making friends

I am shy.  I HATE talking to people.  Which makes this lifestyle of ours an interesting choice for me.  But while I'm shy, I do like to have friends, so it is always a challenge when we move to a new place to find a place for the permanently weird like me.  

But, this is now our 6th move so I have a few tips that I can sometimes get to work for me, sometimes not (in fact if you have any tips PLEASE let me know because I could use them).  

1.  JOIN!  Find groups, join them.  It doesn't matter if they sound stupid, or like something you wouldn't necessarily do, you won't meet people in your house (believe me I've waited, people aren't going to come to you).  Women's groups, book clubs, baby groups, PTAs, these are all places where people come together chances are you will meet somebody there.  

2.  TALK!  I know it's hard, but you have to talk to other people. It usually doesn't have to be witty or even clever.  If you are overseas it's as simple as "how long have you been in XYZ?" or even "is this your first time living overseas?"  you can follow that question up with "oh, where else have you been?"  Being overseas gives you a great conversation starters.  (this also works on your home turf too, but people might not have as much to say).  You can also make small talk based on the activity you are doing, "do you read many books?" "oh is that your baby?"  "what grade is your child in?" "What other charities are you involved in?"

3.  INVITE! This is critical!  You have to invite people out to indicate your willingness to be more than just acquaintances.   You have to do this often, and early.  It doesn't have to be fancy, Coffee, tea, drinks, lunch, pedicures, museums, whatever.  Just an exchange of phone numbers isn't enough, just an open "we should hang out" is also not enough.  You have to make a specific plan, and it's easier if you initiate it.  Chances are, the other person is just sitting around wishing for something to do to, but they don't know that you are not doing anything either, and that you could be not doing anything together.  

4.  REPEAT!  You might think, hey I've done it once, great.  Now the people will start flocking to me.  Sadly no, (or at least not for me--if you've had other experiences, don't tell me, I'd rather think it's this way for everyone and not just me) you have to keep putting yourself out there, and talking to people in order to get a group of people that you can hang out with.  It's tiring, and can be frustrating, but it's worth it.... or so I keep telling myself.  

**I would suggest you do this as soon as you get to a new place.  I have had many many experiences, where I have found people who I think are really really cool, but I waited too long and I made friends with them as they were leaving.  

Man, I'm a grown up

It started out as a small thing, really. I noticed it first when watching Superman Returns a couple of years ago. It might not have been the first time I thought it, but it was the first time I noticed thinking it. What I thought was, "will insurance cover this?" Not, "will Superman pull through?" Not, "how will he defeat this guy?" But, "will insurance cover this?" I was disturbed by this thought, apparently my believe button was not getting enough use, or maybe it just needed a tune up, or something. I didn't think anything was seriously wrong. But, now! OH!
I am currently reading the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer, it's not a bad, aside from the overwhelming teenage angst I kind of like it. BUT! And here's where I know that my believe button is severely damaged. The part of the story that bugs me, I mean really gets to me, is not that there are vampires and werewolves, no. I get stuck trying to figure out what on earth a 200 year old vampire wants with a 17 year old girl. I know this is a recent thing because it never bothered me while watching Buffy. Angel was just as old, and Buffy just as young, but I never once thought about it. Now it almost ruins the story. After all, I find 17 year olds a little irritating, and I'm only a little older. I can't imagine what it would be like after 200 years, unless it is as I suspected and men really don't age past 17.
UGH! Does anyone know where I can get a believe button fixed?

PS for those of you wondering what a believe button is, think of it like an imagination cap, or whatever. It's the button you push when watching things like Independence Day that let you buy that an advanced civilization of aliens can be brought low by a computer virus uploaded from a mac.

Date night!

So Saturday night we left Babes with a baby sitter and headed out for a night on the town. (Although when I say "night" I mean evening or maybe mere three hours) And since we are leaving Azerbaijan soon (Wooo HOOO!) we decided to forgo the normal, well I guess this could be Italian food if you squint with one eye and hop on one foot cuisine and headed out to a place that served Azeri food. One of the better places to go in Baku is the Beh Beh club (I wonder what that means). We hit the one just out of town that kind of looks like a traditional house and has live performers. The building itself was very neat, I guess a traditional house looks a little like a ski lodge with a garden, all wooden and sloping roofs. Inside it was modestly decorated with candles and various kinds of Azeri copperware, dolls in native dress, and candles.
The musicians weren't bad even though they played elevator jazz (although I have to admit, that I do like elevator jazz). However, the belly dancer was... well, here's the thing. I think, I have never seen it live, that belly dancing can be sensuous and a very unique art. HOWEVER, most places when they boast having a belly dancer usually mean a stripper who is not taking off her clothes, but wearing a belly dancing costume. I keep going because I keep hoping to see tastefully done belly dancing.... but no. If I was going to have a belly dancer in a restaurant I would find someone who could dance, then have her only accompanied by a drum, a wind instrument of some kind, and maybe a tambourine. But I guess that's harder to find, it is easier to find a young woman, put her in a costume and tell her to shake her stuff to Russia's Madonna equivalent. But that's neither here nor there.
The other interesting thing was that we were there at the same time as a birthday party. There was the general feasting, and then as the night progressed some dancing. I've only seen it once before, but this is the first place I've been that has it's own unique form of dancing. Most clubs that I've been to all over the world have about the same booty shaking dances that the US has. But here the women give their wrists and hands a little flick as they stick out alternating feet with a little hop. There's almost no booty shaking going on at all. The men do something similar, except that their hands do not flick and they usually tap their foot against another male partner's foot. I wish I was better at describing or I could think of what it reminds me of. It's very interesting and looks pretty cool, and is one of the truly unique things that they have going on for them here.