Cameras

We've had our Nikon digital SLR camera now for over a year and I have to say I've never been so excited about a camera. The pictures that I take with the camera are so much better than the ones I've been taking with our point and shoot. It almost makes me want to get involved in photography and buying expensive lenses and what not. I would not say that I'm anywhere near professional level, but I occasionally get shots that are so beautiful that you almost want to touch them.
I think the camera illustrates the difference between my husband and I quite well. DH takes staged shots, great scenery and architecture shots all of which are absolutely stunning. And while I hate taking the time out of whatever activity we are currently in the middle of to take the pictures I also really love having the pictures at the end. Now if I have the camera I will just snap pictures at random, so we often have to ignore or discard maybe two thirds of the shots that I take (maybe even three quarters, I'm not sure), but in that last third (or quarter) you get some pretty neat action shots (if I do say so myself).
But, it is nice to have the album that includes the posed shots and the on the fly action shots. It's just learning to work with the difference that's hard, but once you figure out how to appreciate each other you really have something beautiful.

website

You know I just went to the home page of my website and I realized just how much it sucks. I need to figure out how to design a better website, or just give up my domain name. Why am I paying for something when I don't use it?

New Orleans

It is hard to boil a weekend trip down to just a few words. Especially about a place like New Orleans.
New Orleans is an older city that sits in a bend of the Mississippi river, in fact one of the nicknames of the city, "the Crescent City" comes from the location of New Orleans on that bend. It was primarily a French settlement, and it is one of the few places in America where French speakers and French language things outnumber Spanish. However, what that really means is that New Orleans has a little bit of a feel of Europe while being firmly rooted in the South.
What does that mean? Well, the French Quarter is made up of town homes and tighter quarters in European fashion. Residences, commercial property, bars and restaurants all share the same space on the street. There is a lot of beautiful architecture and very ornate balconies everywhere. And while the city is showing it's age, it has a definite beauty to it. Maybe it's not age, but damage from Katrina, but I don't remember N.O. before Katrina (the last time I went there I was maybe 15) so I can't say what has changed.
But everywhere you look there is Southern Hospitality, the food and many of the drinks are Southern. The people are definitely Southern (we were at a CVS and my husband couldn't figure out what was wrong with the cashier, she was just too friendly, and I had to tell him, it's the South). And the weather was Southern. It was March and we were in shorts and sundresses!
N.O. also reminded me a lot of Austin Tx, in that in many ways it's a much bigger city than it's population would suggest. The number of restaurants that served decent food and drinks could have supported a much larger city. There were also places that were soley dedicated to one type of food, Like Beignets or Muffalatos. That is hard to find in bigger cities like DC or Houston. There were also so many musicians in N.O. almost every little place in the Quarter had live entertainment, and for cheap! In so many other places live entertainment is a rare treat, but in N.O. it was everywhere.
On our last night we made our way to Preservation Hall for some good old fashioned Jazz. For ten bucks you could listen to three hours of Jazz, if you chose. There were no frills, just the Jazz players, some fold out seats and a little lighting. But the Jazz was VERY good.
And once you get out of the quarter and view some of the old style mansions in the Garden District you almost want to move to New Orleans, until you remember that it's spring and in another month it will be a hundred degrees in the shade and you won't want to eat or even lay down because it is just TOO hot! So you go back home.

the weight wait

I have finally admitted to myself that something needs to be done. I think because I've NEVER had to worry about my weight that I just assumed that one day I would bounce back to my college body. Without having to lift a dumbbell, or ride a bike. But I was out at Forever 21 on Friday and I saw myself in the mirror surrounded by people who can shop at Forever 21 and I realized that something needs to be done. It didn't sink in right there. I got home and looked in our mirror all by myself and it didn't look as bad, but in the back of my mind I knew it was a LIE!
This knowledge has been building for some time, hence the giving up of elevators for lent, but it has been battling against my natural laziness. I HATE to exercise! Which is partly why I love Yoga so much, I get the full body workout without the horrible feeling of sweat, and without gasping for air. But I think I'm going to have to add a cardio, or something. Yoga alone is not going to cut it.
Of course, as I thought this to myself this afternoon, I was eating a candy bar, and after Babes went to bed I ate a huge bowl of pudding topped with extra whipped cream. I know it's no justification but there was a lot of screaming today and a VERY grumpy, VERY destructive toddler, sometimes chocolate is in order.

Spring is coming

*Sigh* I saw the first of the blooms start appearing on the trees today. Usually I am very excited for spring, but not so much this year. This year the warmer weather is a harbinger of our impending move. I knew it was temporary when we came, but I didn't realize how comfortable I would become. I know most of it is because of Babes. She has become very attached to my mom and my father in law, I feel almost guilty knowing that I will be taking her away and she will not be able to just call Big Mama or be only two hours away.
It is also VERY easy to live here. I don't have to think 6 weeks into the future in terms of supplies and toys. If I want something I can just go out to the store. And as bad as it is, I even find things I didn't know that I needed (which is why it's probably better that we are leaving the US).
We even have a very nice weekly routine. Our days are filled with activities that keep us busy and often take us away from the apartment.
Though it might be nice to get away from the depressing ever present news about the economy, the housing market, and the DOOM TO US ALL!

Days like today

Days like today make me miss California. It's the days where the sun is shining, the wind is soft, and it seems almost too perfect to be real. These are what I remember in my mind as California days, the only difference is that in California I knew that tomorrow would be just like this too, and the next day, and the next..... Here they come along like sea shells on the beach, here is one, that is cracked, oh here is one that is chipped, oh here is a perfect one, oh, no the next one is not so good. It is sad, but quintessentially Californian, that what I think of doing on days like this is driving. Rolling the windows down, cranking up the music and driving along the Ocean. The road stretching on in front of you to the horizon, the sun glinting off the ocean on your right and the desert flat and dry on your left. *sigh*
Instead, Babes and I went out to the play ground and I let the wind toss my hair around for a little while. Not the same.

spread out

One of the most maddening things about the foreign service lifestyle are all the transitions. I knew when we left Baku that we would be in the US for about a year. So we had to try to reduce our household into the most used items that would fit into 600 pounds of air freight. Now if you don't know, 600 pounds is a lot of stuff, but it doesn't fit everything. We left behind a good portion of the kitchen stuff, all of our lamps, rugs, pictures, etc. half of Babes' toys, and various other things that make up a household. And while we are pretty well set up here in our furnished rental, it doesn't cover everything. You've got your basic cooking equipment, but no baking pans, so I have been either putting off baking or purchasing baking pans.
You also tend to forget what you've packed or not, and I think in the excitement of packing I left some things that I intended to bring, and brought things that I intended to leave. It's so frustrating because I'm sometimes positive that I brought something and I tear apart the apartment only to discover that it's not here. And if it's not here is it at my parent's house, or my in-law's house? I hate being so spread out! Sometimes I feel as if I can't find ANYTHING!

money matters

I'm getting a little tired of all these "money saving" tips that you get from mainstream media. They are so lame that they border on the rediculous sometimes. Do people really not know some of this stuff? For instance, one such tip said that if you brew your own coffee at home instead of going to starbucks everyday you will save hundreds of dollars a year. Who didn't know this? Seriously? A cup of coffee at starbucks costs at least $2, a bag of coffee at the grocery store costs $8. If you drink more than 4 cups you have saved money.
I have gotten to the point where I no longer read these so called money saving tips because they don't tell me anything I don't already know. I mean I already cook at home. I don't order wine when I go to restaraunts. I shop for clothes at season end clearances. Buy store brand food. I know how to use a budget. *SIGH* I guess I could start bathing the dog at home, but it is totally worth the $25 to have somebody else do it. I don't have to bathe her in my tub, or with a garden hose in 30 degree weather, I drop her off and three house later she is magically clean. That and custom purses from viv pickle are my two big frivolous expenses.
I didn't realize that my parents were teaching me to be frugal, I just thought it was the way everyone was raised. I didn't know that people were going to McDonald's everyday or buying things for their kids that they couldn't afford. And I never really felt deprived, I might have felt slighted or unfairly cheated, but I got over it. I think we have somehow forgotten that life is full of ups and downs and that kids need to experience these things in order to be able to be happy as adults. If you always sugar coat life how are they going to learn how to deal with bad times when they move out of your house. No matter what you do, you will not be able to protect your kids forever. They need to know that plants, animals, and people all die, and that death is a part of life, as is sadness, and sometimes pain. You will also not be able to get everything you want, sometimes no matter what you do there will be things you can't have.

Columbus

Babes and I just returned yesterday from another trip out to Columbus, OH to see my Gparents. My grandfather turned 89 this past weekend. Unfortunately, he has reached 89 under the fog of an Alzheimer's like disease which has left him uncommunicative and unresponsive. My grandmother, who is only slightly younger than my grandfather, is still a tiny little fireball of energy and will power. She does a wonderful job celebrating his life and makes sure that no one overlooks or ignores my grandfather. When you call on the phone, you must say a word to him, if she is having a party, she will bring him home from the place where he is staying to be a part of the party. And she will try as much as possible to include him in the festivities. It is not so bad now that he lives in a nursing home, but when she was taking care of him it was incredibly frustrating. When Babes was born we drove for 12 hours to bring her my baby, but she was so busy managing my grandfather that she didn't even really look at Babes. I guess my problem is that we are so busy trying not to leave my grandfather out, that we never get to do anything in Columbus that resembles anything. For the first time, this last visit, I was able to eat at a restaraunt that was not Old Time Country Buffett. I never say anything, because I know my mom has a hard time with the situation, and I know my grandmother is doing the best she can, and the only thing she knows to do, but I'm still frustrated.

Man, I'm a grown up

It started out as a small thing, really. I noticed it first when watching Superman Returns a couple of years ago. It might not have been the first time I thought it, but it was the first time I noticed thinking it. What I thought was, "will insurance cover this?" Not, "will Superman pull through?" Not, "how will he defeat this guy?" But, "will insurance cover this?" I was disturbed by this thought, apparently my believe button was not getting enough use, or maybe it just needed a tune up, or something. I didn't think anything was seriously wrong. But, now! OH!
I am currently reading the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer, it's not a bad, aside from the overwhelming teenage angst I kind of like it. BUT! And here's where I know that my believe button is severely damaged. The part of the story that bugs me, I mean really gets to me, is not that there are vampires and werewolves, no. I get stuck trying to figure out what on earth a 200 year old vampire wants with a 17 year old girl. I know this is a recent thing because it never bothered me while watching Buffy. Angel was just as old, and Buffy just as young, but I never once thought about it. Now it almost ruins the story. After all, I find 17 year olds a little irritating, and I'm only a little older. I can't imagine what it would be like after 200 years, unless it is as I suspected and men really don't age past 17.
UGH! Does anyone know where I can get a believe button fixed?

PS for those of you wondering what a believe button is, think of it like an imagination cap, or whatever. It's the button you push when watching things like Independence Day that let you buy that an advanced civilization of aliens can be brought low by a computer virus uploaded from a mac.

Mortality

So a high school friend of mine just got in touch with me this week and one of the things she told me as we were catching up is a mutual friend of ours died about two years ago in a car crash. Well, it is sad, yes,I'm sorry maybe tragic is a better word for it. And while I have not shed any tears for him, the fact that he has passed on has disturbed my balance. For the last couple of days the idea has been popping up and twisting around inside my brain. She wrote a very moving tribute on her blog, talking about the day she met him, which got me thinking about how I know other people and where we met, etc.
What I find weird is that when I think about it, a lot of my friends chose me. I am not the chatty type, and I often will be content to sit in a corner and watch the interactions of those around me. So for a friendship to have developed it means that we either had class together, or some other function, or that they started talking to me. I wonder what it is that drew these people to me. Was it that I wasn't talking? Or that I look interesting? Or maybe they just wanted to make me feel more comfortable, and so a friendship started. I don't know.
Don't get me wrong, I have made it a point to befriend some people. I can on occasion be outgoing, it just takes so much effort. You've got to think up things to say, and smile and whatnot, it's so much easier to just be quiet and watch. I think it comes from growing up where I never really fit in. I hung out, and did stuff, but I was never really like everyone else. I learned to cope, and now I really like it, but I guess it leaves a mark.

Obama

I can't believe that we are now two days into Barack Obama's presidency. (Blogger still hasn't added his name to spell check) It is still amazing to me that we have elected a bi-racial man president. I am a little afraid for him, people's expectations are SO high. People will randomly tell me things about what they are thinking, and I can't imagine that he will be able to be a successful president in the eyes of the people. Everyone seems to think that things are going to get better starting today, and while I think that it is better to have a smart guy in office, I can't believe that it will get better tomorrow. The problems that we are facing are so huge, it will have to take some time to get to even a plateau. So what will happen to his approval ratings in the meantime? Even if he does set up programs that will eventually lead us out of this mess, if people aren't seeing the results they want will they continue to put up with him?

Israel

We are back from the holy land! Over the new year my sister in law got married in Israel. Of course we, the crazy travelers that we are, could not just go to the wedding and come back, so we took a week and made a vacation out of it to see some of what everyone is talking about. We spent four days in Jerusalem and three in Tel Aviv and two on the floor of the Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris.
So what to say about Israel....
Well, I can honestly say that it was a lot different than I imagine, but I suspect that the weather had a LOT to do with that. Jerusalem, instead of being a dusty dry desert city was a cold and wet city. Although when you think about all the places that you are walking hundreds of millions of other people have walked there first it is still pretty awesome. All the history in that tiny little place can be a little overwhelming. I think we saw a lot of the major tourist sites within the old city, although most of them not on purpose. The only thing that I can say for sure that we saw on purpose was Golgotha, or the place of the crucifixion. After that, we generally ended up finding a point of interest on the way to another point of interest that we never did find, that is until we were looking for something else. In this manner we "found" most of the gates to the old city, the wailing wall, the Via Dolorosa, as well as the churches (or maybe chapels) that are built on the site of Jesus' initial trial and flagellation. We found the Dome of the Rock on purpose, but I don't know if that was cheating or not since we asked someone, and also did not find it the first time we looked for it.
Jerusalem also had a HUGE military presence. Everywhere we went, and I mean EVERYWHERE there were groups of soldiers on patrol, standing guard, or just hanging out. It was obvious in Jerusalem that Israel was a country in the midst of conflict. Unfortunately, it was so cold and wet on all the days that we were traveling in Jerusalem that it is hard to come up with something else to say.
Tel Aviv, was nicer weather wise, but I unfortunately had stomach issues that laid me up for an entire day so I didn't get to see anything but Jaffa, the port city where Jonah's journey to Nineveh is supposed to have started. Tel Aviv is a much more relaxed city. I don't know that I saw soldiers there at all, and for the most part people were outside, shopping, eating in restaurants seemingly without a care in the world. It seemed very disconnected from reality.
My sister in law's wedding was very interesting. First of all, Israelis do not attend weddings in suits or dresses. Israelis apparently go everywhere in jeans. There were girls at the wedding in skirts, but they were very casual skirts, like you would go to the mall in. Then, in an Israeli wedding you do not sit nicely in your chairs, but you huddle around the huppa (a traditional wedding canopy) and shout encouragements at the bride and groom. They did not dance a horah (a big circle dance that usually involves everyone at the reception) although they did dance with the bride and groom on their shoulders. Even still it was a beautiful service.
On the way back Paris was snowed in and we spent the night on the floor of Charles De Galle. When we got back to the states, we discovered that our luggage was still on vacation so Babes spent almost a week in Pjs and tights since almost her entire wardrobe was in our luggage. But we all made it back safe and sound and that's all that counts.

Naked Booty!

At home all day with a baby I usually end up making up songs for activities that do not already have songs to go with them. For instance, you know the oldie but goody "this is the way we wash our face" well I have added to that, the Dirty Diaper song (to the tune of the Indiana Jones theme) and Naked Booty (to the tune of Are You Sleeping). For whatever reason the Naked Booty song has taken off with Babes. At any given time she can launch into a rendition of "Naked Booty Naked Booty Naked BUTT! Naked BUTT!" I personally think that she is adorable singing it especially because she emphasizes the "BUTT!" And naked comes out like Nakey. But my mom is horrified. She thinks that Zora will be kicked out of preschool (even though she is not yet two and there is still a whole year before she will get to school, which in my opinion is plenty of time to forget an undesirable song) or that we will be in church and she will start singing that. Which still won't embarrass me because we sing the song at bath time to get out of all the clothes so there is nothing wrong with it.
Although yesterday in the car she just started shrieking NAKED BUTT! for no reason at all. I might be a little embarrassed by that.

Thanxmas

My brother is deploying (*AGAIN!*) to Iraq sometime late November, maybe early December so he is once again going to miss the holidays. So this past weekend my family rolled Thanksgiving and Christmas into one big holiday called Thanxmas. We borrowed an artificial tree decorated the inside of the house, and bought some inexpensive gifts for everyone, except my brother and his wife who received real holiday presents. I bought all the old holiday movies, Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving and Christmas, Rudolph, Frosty, etc. Add to that some holiday music and a Thanksgiving feast and you really do feel like you've just celebrated Christmas. I went to the store and thought to myself "why is this store open on.... oh wait, it is not Thanksgiving or Christmas!"
All in all it was a fun time. Babes really enjoyed the opening of presents and I think my brother and sister had a good time too. It wasn't until I was leaving that I realized that this would probably be the last time that I would see my brother before he deployed. Which was probably good because then I would have been sad. Luckily I was able to forget about it until it was too late to ruin everything.
Happy Thanxmas Everyone!

Catching up!

So I've been through my first adult Halloween. I have to say it was very weird handing out candy to all the little ones. The first couple of "customers" were wee little ones who weren't entirely sure what to make of the whole thing. Their parents shoved them up to the door then told to say "trick or treat" which sometimes they did and sometimes they didn't, and then I gave out some candy and posed while pictures were taken then there was a kind of awkward moment while we tried to figure out what to do. I was waiting for them to leave so I could close the door, I don't know what they were waiting for, probably for me to make some sort of "oh how cute" comment (it wasn't until the third or fourth child that I realized I should make some sort of banter) or maybe they weren't sure what to do themselves. With the older kids it wasn't a problem, they were basically trying to hit as many houses as they could before it was too late so they grabbed candy and ran. All in all it's very interesting being on the other side of the door.
Also, we've elected our first black president! Can you believe it?!?!?! I seriously did not think people would be able to vote for a black man, but apparently messing with your money pisses people off to the point where they don't care about skin color. I am very proud of my country.
I just got back from Columbus visiting my grandparents with my mom. My grandfather seems to be holding his own against Alzheimer's although I can tell that he is slowly losing the fight. It's a horrible way to go, although I suppose he's not in pain (although maybe he is but can't tell us) so I guess it's not horrible. I often wonder about what goes on inside of someone who has Alzheimer's. Is he trapped behind a wall but is still seeing and hearing like in the old days, but can't make us understand. Or is it truly like what we see and the brain goes away piece by piece. Is this a case where quantity is better than quality or should we think about quality instead of quantity.
Anyway, we are off this weekend to celebrate Thanksmas for my brother who is deploying soon. Since we are not sure if he will be home for Thanksgiving or Christmas we are combining them into one big holiday this weekend. I bought the Christmas specials and we've got decorations up, there are presents, and feasts planned. I hope to take tons of pictures and hope this will be the best Thanksmas EVER!

My Own Name

So I was perusing the internet the other day and I came across a post on Her Bad Mother where she is stopped at the border because she and her child do not share the same last name. And she started to wonder if she should change her last name. It made me start to think about my decision not to change my last name. When we got married I always assumed that I would be a career woman. Keeping my last name, the name that all my degrees were in, keeping my own separate professional identity was very important to me. I also am very proud of my last name, it is the name of my father, his father, and his father before that. My dad once told me, and it is the same thing that his dad told him, that the only thing he had to give was his name, it came to him unblemished, and he is giving it to me unblemished and that's the way I should keep it.
I have had many identity issues in my life. I wanted to be blond. I wanted a different first name. I may have even wanted to be a boy (you know the running, jumping, not having to wear skirts!). But I have always been attached to my last name. My last name has always been an essential part of who I am.
Now that I am actually an adult and living my life... and I am not the professional woman that I wanted to be, I am actually clinging harder to my last name. As a spouse in the foreign service I do not have my own identity. I am " 's wife" Whenever I go anywhere or need anything done I don't use my name or status it is all under his information. Maybe it's silly, but keeping my last name reminds me, if no one else, that I am my own person. I have my own talents. I am separate from my husband, intelligent, and accomplished. Perhaps someday soon I will find a way to remind everyone else too.

Not in Season

As the weather gets colder and we move further into fall I have definitely decided that I am not a seasonal person. I am perfectly happy with an endless summer, or maybe even a summer with a brief rainy period in between. I am always mad when the irrefutable proof of summer's end approaches. In the last few weeks I have been cursing at the leaves as they change colors. Don't get me wrong, I think the changing leaves are pretty, but the accompanying cold weather is no good.
It is times like this that I REALLY miss California and wonder why it was that I left. Yes, I know, I am having lots of fun adventures that I could NEVER have in CA but as winter approaches I will wonder more and more if it is actually worth it.

Old Friends

So we went this weekend to see an old college friend of mine. It's been some time since I've seen him, and I definitely have not seen him since he married. The difference in him is remarkable and I could kill the girlfriend that he had in high school/college. The boy I knew did not smile as often as the married man, was not as comfortable in his own skin. I remember how much I worked to draw him out of his shell so that he felt comfortable enough to be a little silly, and now he is silly with his baby, easy with his smiles, and a lot more confident. It's amazing what a difference the right person can make. I figured this out for myself, and it seems as if he figured this out too, but I wish I could share this with others. Love should not make you miserable, or keep you locked in your room, or even make you mean and witchy. Love should make you happier (most of the time, sometimes it will frustrate you and make you angry, but that's normal you are after all dealing with people) more confident, and possibly even nicer.
Mary Rose, wherever you are, I do not wish you well!

Hair

So I've been all natural and free, hairwise, for about the two months. Not by choice. I've been trying to do something different with my hair. I don't want to put in a relaxer, dreadlocks, or braids, but then that leaves me fairly limited on what I can do. Cutting out those options and you eliminate most black salons. So I was going to try out this salon that my aunt recommended so I was willing to wait. BUT the first time I showed up they did not have my rescheduled appointment, this time I wisely called before I left and they didn't have the products for my hair AND they seemed surprised when I didn't want to come in, what pay $100 for something I didn't want? I thought it was a professional shop. I am SO glad they did not take my credit card because if they charged me today for canceling my appointment on short notice because they didn't have the products for my hair, I would be HIGHLY TICKED OFF! As it is I'm annoyed. What kind of place is this that regularly runs out of the products that they are selling?
Why can't I find a decent hair shop? You know I'm a middle class black woman, I don't live in the hood, why should I have to go there to get my hair done? Why do I have to suffer through missed appointments, or wait for three hours even when I have an appointment, we're not talking about doctors here, we're talking about hair stylists, and most of them are of just average quality. Why do we, middle class black women, put up with this? We have jobs, our time is valuable, where is the shop that caters to us?